This post includes our labor story (not graphic) and my thoughts on our second son.
Everyone says every pregnancy/delivery/baby is different. We definitely experienced that. It's really hard to wait even 3 days past the due date when your first baby took you by surprise 15 days early. My first labor was 15 hours, starting after only a couple hours of sleep in the middle of the night. This one started with a sharp pain at 5am but I snoozed until 6am when the contractions really got started. We arrived at the hospital by 8:30 with contractions only 4 minutes apart. By 11:15 I was pushing and M entered the world at 11:35. But this time, I felt so much better after a "fullish" night's sleep. We had the whole afternoon left to relax with this little boy, and more energy from the sleep and shorter labor. Our recovery was a little more difficult the second time around, because they thought Baby M may have an infection because of a high fever (he's fine) and I developed an infection our second night here, resulting in a longer hospital stay and more pain for me.
But, that's a good excuse for me to get to know and enjoy this new little bundle a little longer before we go home and upset the rhythm of our family in our regular life. Baby M is just as happy and content as his big brother was and is just a sweet little cuddler. His preferred position is to be cradled, unlike big bro who wanted to peer at the world over our shoulders. I enjoy being able to look into his sweet face!
Soren's first meeting with his baby brother was a little overwhelming and I got a little nervous about how he'd handle everything. But a new place and lots of people in the room made everything a little strange. The next day he was much more excited about looking at the baby and curious about what he was doing. It was so sweet to watch and just warmed my heart to see Soren standing on his Daddy's lap peering over the side of the bassinet to check out the little bundle of brother. He's going to be a great brother and helper, I think.
I am greatly enjoying this calm before the storm, but I'm looking forward to getting home and starting to settle into some sort of routine of family life. I miss Soren and look forward to the two boys beginning to get to know each other. I am excited to take Mattias home and really have him be a part of our family as settle back into some semblance of "normal," whatever that means during the holiday season!
We are so very blessed to have a healthy and happy baby boy, a sweet big brother and a wonderful support network of family and friends who are excited with us and come alongside our family. We are filled with joy about this precious boy who we are welcoming into our family and look forward to getting to know him and his developing personality in the days, weeks and years to come. Thank you Lord, for bringing Mattias safely into the world and for allowing me to be his Mommy.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Come, though long-expected Baby
If our second little boy had followed Soren's timetable, he would have been here 4 days ago. Even though it's still early, I am anxious to meet this little guy. We have been planning and preparing for his arrival for 9 months. We have agonized over the perfect name. We have dreamed about what he'll be like: what he looks like, what his personality will be like, what his relationship with his brother will be like, what he'll love to do.
While I don't like the waiting and had begun hoping that he would arrive as early as his brother had, the anticipation in these last few days has heightened my anticipation for this child who is coming and has also led to an even greater appreciation for the anticipation accompanying the prophesies of Scripture for the coming Messiah. The past few days, I've been reflecting on the Advent and Christmas season (because I know my time will be limited after the baby comes) and my own excitement to meet our little boy has opened up my heart to have that anticipation as I prepare my heart and my family to celebrate Christmas.
This year, I get to anticipate and celebrate the arrival of two baby boys. My own son, for whom I have prayed these last many months as God has knit him together. My own son, who is a precious gift and a blessing that God is asking me to cherish, to parent, to disciple and to pray for as a temporary guardian for this sweet child. And God's Son, who God gave to the world for us to receive; another precious gift, but this gift brings salvation and peace and hope. This Child was the greatest gift and I am grateful to my long-expected baby and to God for this deeper understanding that was given to me this holiday season. And my prayer, for my son: come, though long-expected baby. And to Jesus: Come, though long-expected Jesus. We are watching and waiting with great anticipation.
While I don't like the waiting and had begun hoping that he would arrive as early as his brother had, the anticipation in these last few days has heightened my anticipation for this child who is coming and has also led to an even greater appreciation for the anticipation accompanying the prophesies of Scripture for the coming Messiah. The past few days, I've been reflecting on the Advent and Christmas season (because I know my time will be limited after the baby comes) and my own excitement to meet our little boy has opened up my heart to have that anticipation as I prepare my heart and my family to celebrate Christmas.
This year, I get to anticipate and celebrate the arrival of two baby boys. My own son, for whom I have prayed these last many months as God has knit him together. My own son, who is a precious gift and a blessing that God is asking me to cherish, to parent, to disciple and to pray for as a temporary guardian for this sweet child. And God's Son, who God gave to the world for us to receive; another precious gift, but this gift brings salvation and peace and hope. This Child was the greatest gift and I am grateful to my long-expected baby and to God for this deeper understanding that was given to me this holiday season. And my prayer, for my son: come, though long-expected baby. And to Jesus: Come, though long-expected Jesus. We are watching and waiting with great anticipation.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Preparing for Change, Cherishing the Now
We are frantically readying our house and home for the arrival of the BW2. We have rearranged rooms, bought and sold furniture, finished lots of work on the house. We've cleaned and rearranged closets and we're cramming in various appointments and outings to make ready. We are busily focusing on the future, the coming weeks and all that we want to have finished before our world is turned upside by this baby.
But part of the reason we are so busy is because we set a goal early on to have things ready for BW2 two weeks before his expected due date so that we would either a) be ready if he came early, since Soren surprised us or so b) we would have time together as a family just to enjoy one another, to do fun things together and to have some down time to rest and relax.
We have been preparing ourselves, our home, and Soren for the new arrival. But while we prepare for all the changes, it is important to me that we take time as a family to cherish what we have now. To enjoy Soren in all his wonderful, only child glory a few last times. To enjoy time to rest during a routine I know before this baby turns the routine inside out. to take time to spend with Erich before we are taking turns sleeping and getting up with an unhappy or hungry baby.
As much as I am waiting with great anticipation to meet our newest baby boy, I am trying to slow down enough each day to enjoy our family in the now. I am trying not to wish away the hours and days until our sweet boy is here and allow him to come in his time. I am relishing the days the three of us have, with a toddler who is more independent, a little less demanding. A toddler who is funny and lovely and smart and verbal and wonderful and wants to play with Mommy and Daddy. A toddler who is going to be a great and special big brother in a matter of week--to a baby who is going to be a special addition to our family. Because we are both preparing for change and cherishing the now.
But part of the reason we are so busy is because we set a goal early on to have things ready for BW2 two weeks before his expected due date so that we would either a) be ready if he came early, since Soren surprised us or so b) we would have time together as a family just to enjoy one another, to do fun things together and to have some down time to rest and relax.
We have been preparing ourselves, our home, and Soren for the new arrival. But while we prepare for all the changes, it is important to me that we take time as a family to cherish what we have now. To enjoy Soren in all his wonderful, only child glory a few last times. To enjoy time to rest during a routine I know before this baby turns the routine inside out. to take time to spend with Erich before we are taking turns sleeping and getting up with an unhappy or hungry baby.
As much as I am waiting with great anticipation to meet our newest baby boy, I am trying to slow down enough each day to enjoy our family in the now. I am trying not to wish away the hours and days until our sweet boy is here and allow him to come in his time. I am relishing the days the three of us have, with a toddler who is more independent, a little less demanding. A toddler who is funny and lovely and smart and verbal and wonderful and wants to play with Mommy and Daddy. A toddler who is going to be a great and special big brother in a matter of week--to a baby who is going to be a special addition to our family. Because we are both preparing for change and cherishing the now.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
To my son on his second birthday
Dear Soren,
You are growing into a delightful little boy. Two years has gone by so quickly and you're not my little baby any more. So on your birthday, I want to write out some of my hopes and prayers for you. You are a precious gift to your Daddy and me. From before you were born, I was talking to God, asking Him to give us the wisdom to raise you and to parent you, to help guide you to be the man that God created you to be.
I never imagined how special you would be in our lives. You bring so much joy and laughter into our house. You encourage me to keep learning and to keep being refined by the Holy Spirit so I can be the best mom to you that I can be -- because you deserve it. God put you in our lives and us in your life for a reason. God has plans for you, plans with hope and purpose. And I cannot wait to see how you will grow into those plans.
Soren, you are smart. You pick up on things so quickly and have such a desire to learn. I know that will be an important quality as you continue to grow. I pray that you will always have such a curiosity about the world, that you will always want to keep learning. Because it can only make you a better man, it will only help you to delve more deeply into Scripture, to study and learn God's Word. It will help you become a person who asks questions and seeks answers, a person who understands the importance of always learning. I hope that you will always have the love of reading that you demonstrate daily at the age of two. It's a gift to love reading and you will gain so much intellectually and spiritually as you read. I hope that you will always pursue reading and knowledge.
You are a funny boy and I hope that your sense of humor will always be a part of who you are. You can make yourself laugh and you make us laugh daily. You have a spirit of fun with your curiosity. You encourage others to play, to laugh, to enjoy each moment and I'm thankful for that. And I know it will continue to draw people to you as you find such joy and fun in life. I'm so thankful for you and your laughter.
Your spirit is gentle and kind. You have a sensitivity and quietness about you that astounds me. It is my deepest heart's desire that these qualities will remain a part of your character as you grow. I am encouraged by your love for songs that glorify God; you seem to have an astute insight into what gives God honor and a desire to remember the verses and the songs that help us to do that. It is so exciting for me to see your heart for God even at the age of 2. I know that God loves a heart that is tender like yours and I look forward with great hope and joy to how God will use you, with your sensitive and kind spirit, to be a light in our world, to touch the hearts of other people.
Soren, I am so proud of you. And I always will be. You are becoming a special, sweet little boy. You are teaching me so much, you inspire in me a desire to deepen my own relationship with Jesus, so I can in turn tell you about this Jesus that I know and want you to know, also. My hope is that you will be a boy/teen/man who faithfully loves and obeys God, who is compassionate, loyal, a person of integrity. A person who seeks knowledge because it brings you joy and greater understanding. A man who is thoughtful, loving and fun; honest, considerate and kind; a man of peace, patient and slow to anger. I pray these big things for you, because I know that God desires them.
I pray for your safety, your intellect, your spirit. I pray for your friendships, your future wife and your relationship with God. I pray that you will passionately pursue Christ and the life that He has for you, that you will live boldly for Him and bring Him glory. I pray that I will have the courage and faith to let you be the man that God wants you to be and to follow where God leads you.
I love you Soren. I treasure each day I get to spend with you. I cherish the funny things you say and the silly things you do. I cherish the things you tell me with great seriousness and the hugs and kisses that you so willingly give me. It is my hope that big things are in store for you and I am proud to be your mom.
Happy Birthday, Soren. I am blessed by you and I love you. Keep laughing, keep loving, keep becoming. Seek God always, with your whole heart and life. This is my prayer and dream for you.
Love always,
Mommy
You are growing into a delightful little boy. Two years has gone by so quickly and you're not my little baby any more. So on your birthday, I want to write out some of my hopes and prayers for you. You are a precious gift to your Daddy and me. From before you were born, I was talking to God, asking Him to give us the wisdom to raise you and to parent you, to help guide you to be the man that God created you to be.
I never imagined how special you would be in our lives. You bring so much joy and laughter into our house. You encourage me to keep learning and to keep being refined by the Holy Spirit so I can be the best mom to you that I can be -- because you deserve it. God put you in our lives and us in your life for a reason. God has plans for you, plans with hope and purpose. And I cannot wait to see how you will grow into those plans.
Soren, you are smart. You pick up on things so quickly and have such a desire to learn. I know that will be an important quality as you continue to grow. I pray that you will always have such a curiosity about the world, that you will always want to keep learning. Because it can only make you a better man, it will only help you to delve more deeply into Scripture, to study and learn God's Word. It will help you become a person who asks questions and seeks answers, a person who understands the importance of always learning. I hope that you will always have the love of reading that you demonstrate daily at the age of two. It's a gift to love reading and you will gain so much intellectually and spiritually as you read. I hope that you will always pursue reading and knowledge.
You are a funny boy and I hope that your sense of humor will always be a part of who you are. You can make yourself laugh and you make us laugh daily. You have a spirit of fun with your curiosity. You encourage others to play, to laugh, to enjoy each moment and I'm thankful for that. And I know it will continue to draw people to you as you find such joy and fun in life. I'm so thankful for you and your laughter.
Your spirit is gentle and kind. You have a sensitivity and quietness about you that astounds me. It is my deepest heart's desire that these qualities will remain a part of your character as you grow. I am encouraged by your love for songs that glorify God; you seem to have an astute insight into what gives God honor and a desire to remember the verses and the songs that help us to do that. It is so exciting for me to see your heart for God even at the age of 2. I know that God loves a heart that is tender like yours and I look forward with great hope and joy to how God will use you, with your sensitive and kind spirit, to be a light in our world, to touch the hearts of other people.
Soren, I am so proud of you. And I always will be. You are becoming a special, sweet little boy. You are teaching me so much, you inspire in me a desire to deepen my own relationship with Jesus, so I can in turn tell you about this Jesus that I know and want you to know, also. My hope is that you will be a boy/teen/man who faithfully loves and obeys God, who is compassionate, loyal, a person of integrity. A person who seeks knowledge because it brings you joy and greater understanding. A man who is thoughtful, loving and fun; honest, considerate and kind; a man of peace, patient and slow to anger. I pray these big things for you, because I know that God desires them.
I pray for your safety, your intellect, your spirit. I pray for your friendships, your future wife and your relationship with God. I pray that you will passionately pursue Christ and the life that He has for you, that you will live boldly for Him and bring Him glory. I pray that I will have the courage and faith to let you be the man that God wants you to be and to follow where God leads you.
I love you Soren. I treasure each day I get to spend with you. I cherish the funny things you say and the silly things you do. I cherish the things you tell me with great seriousness and the hugs and kisses that you so willingly give me. It is my hope that big things are in store for you and I am proud to be your mom.
Happy Birthday, Soren. I am blessed by you and I love you. Keep laughing, keep loving, keep becoming. Seek God always, with your whole heart and life. This is my prayer and dream for you.
Love always,
Mommy
Monday, October 18, 2010
Heartbroken
I have been meaning to write for weeks about our family's mission statement. Months ago, Erich and I prayed about and discussed how we felt God was calling our family to live in our neighborhood, community and world. We found a verse, and then a theme in Scripture that resonated with our gifts and desires. I blogged about it. We talked about how to act on it. And then life got crazy and we haven't pursued it much since.
But I've been thinking about our calling again, as a MOPS project we have coming up involves a plaque with our statement. So in trying to make our 3 verse mission statement concise enough for a plaque, I've come up with: "Be a lamp on a stand...Keep open house...Be generous with our lives." I still don't know what exactly that looks like in the context of our young family -- a new baby on the way turning our home, time and life upside down. But I am refocused to figure out the next step towards which God is calling us -- that first step of obedience that will result in a second step and on to a life living it out.
Some of this focus has come from my renewed passion to live for and like Jesus that has come as I've committed to regularly spending time in the Bible and prayer. And yesterday at church, I was reminded how important it is to be heartbroken. For my heart to break for people who don't know Jesus the same way His does. To love people with the overwhelming love that Jesus does. We had a special guest for both our Sunday school hour and the sermon time. During Sunday school, he showed a video of his band's performance, where at one point a scene is acted out where a woman is abused and this guy David, portraying Jesus, carries her out and weeps for her. He is feeling her pain, her brokenness. And it hit me. I have in many ways hardened my heart against that kind of compassion. I hear the reports on the news, I hear of struggles people I am distantly connected to are having and it makes me sad momentarily. But my heart doesn't break. I am not regularly asking God to give me His love for the people who are different, who are hard for me to love.
My desire is that will change beginning now. Yesterday I was reminded of my need to ASK God to give me a piece of His heart. Loving people does not come naturally and I must be intentional and ask God to give me His compassion. And as God gives me His love for others, I will also be better able to "Be a lamp on a stand...keep open house...be generous with my life." And that's how God is calling me to live, like Him.
But I've been thinking about our calling again, as a MOPS project we have coming up involves a plaque with our statement. So in trying to make our 3 verse mission statement concise enough for a plaque, I've come up with: "Be a lamp on a stand...Keep open house...Be generous with our lives." I still don't know what exactly that looks like in the context of our young family -- a new baby on the way turning our home, time and life upside down. But I am refocused to figure out the next step towards which God is calling us -- that first step of obedience that will result in a second step and on to a life living it out.
Some of this focus has come from my renewed passion to live for and like Jesus that has come as I've committed to regularly spending time in the Bible and prayer. And yesterday at church, I was reminded how important it is to be heartbroken. For my heart to break for people who don't know Jesus the same way His does. To love people with the overwhelming love that Jesus does. We had a special guest for both our Sunday school hour and the sermon time. During Sunday school, he showed a video of his band's performance, where at one point a scene is acted out where a woman is abused and this guy David, portraying Jesus, carries her out and weeps for her. He is feeling her pain, her brokenness. And it hit me. I have in many ways hardened my heart against that kind of compassion. I hear the reports on the news, I hear of struggles people I am distantly connected to are having and it makes me sad momentarily. But my heart doesn't break. I am not regularly asking God to give me His love for the people who are different, who are hard for me to love.
My desire is that will change beginning now. Yesterday I was reminded of my need to ASK God to give me a piece of His heart. Loving people does not come naturally and I must be intentional and ask God to give me His compassion. And as God gives me His love for others, I will also be better able to "Be a lamp on a stand...keep open house...be generous with my life." And that's how God is calling me to live, like Him.
Friday, October 8, 2010
A few of my favorite things
Cuddling and snuggling and hearing, "I love you."
Pumpkins and blankets and crisp autumn mornings.
Freshly baked goodies that cheer up a room
These are a few of my favorite things!
Family and friends and the crunch crunch of leaves.
Slow lazy mornings and coffee or tea
Walks to the park with a slight cooling breeze
These are a few of my favorite things!
And it get to experience all of these favorites in one day -- today!
Pumpkins and blankets and crisp autumn mornings.
Freshly baked goodies that cheer up a room
These are a few of my favorite things!
Family and friends and the crunch crunch of leaves.
Slow lazy mornings and coffee or tea
Walks to the park with a slight cooling breeze
These are a few of my favorite things!
And it get to experience all of these favorites in one day -- today!
The Sweetest Sound
About a month ago, while I was backing out of Soren's room at naptime saying to him, "Sleep well. I love you. Bye-bye. Go to sleep. See you when you wake up," I could have sworn that along with his "bye-byes" I heard him say "love you." But, I couldn't be sure, so I walked out in the hopes that I would here it again soon.
I didn't, until Tuesday morning, when Erich was walking out the door for work saying, "Bye-bye, I love you." I heard Soren's sweet voice reply, "Love you." My heart leaped. Oh what joy! And when I put Soren to bed for his naps (sometimes more than once) I get to hear him say "love you" when I say it to him. And the best times are when he beats me to it and without echoing my own statement, he tells me he loves me.
Now, who knows if he is really expressing the emotion of love for me in that statement, if he's connected the hugs and kisses and times together with a feeling of love and an understanding of that same feeling. But to this mom's ears (and I know to all others, too) hearing "Love you" as I back out the door is just about the sweetest sound I could ever hear.
I didn't, until Tuesday morning, when Erich was walking out the door for work saying, "Bye-bye, I love you." I heard Soren's sweet voice reply, "Love you." My heart leaped. Oh what joy! And when I put Soren to bed for his naps (sometimes more than once) I get to hear him say "love you" when I say it to him. And the best times are when he beats me to it and without echoing my own statement, he tells me he loves me.
Now, who knows if he is really expressing the emotion of love for me in that statement, if he's connected the hugs and kisses and times together with a feeling of love and an understanding of that same feeling. But to this mom's ears (and I know to all others, too) hearing "Love you" as I back out the door is just about the sweetest sound I could ever hear.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Metamorphosis
Those who know me well can tell you that I "tend" towards type-A on the spectrum. I like things done a certain way, looking a certain way, organized a certain way. I hate being late. I am generally pretty neat and start to get a little stressed out when things are unorganized for too long. And I struggle to accept that something done another way is not "wrong." While these things hold true, I've begun detecting just the slightest shift in this personality of mine.
I read again the other night the quote we have on Soren's wall. "Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it." And it served as a reminder to me, which was a big part of why I chose it. Kids, and I think especially boys, will mess up your life. I have tripped on my share of toys in my once tidy living room. I don't get (or have the energy) to clean as often as I'd like and the layers of dust at times drive me crazy, as does the constant shedding of dog hair (that one I clean more often). I'm amazed at how messy a kid can get at breakfast, lunch AND dinner. And now I'm more often late than early.
But this mess in my life isn't all bad, because that's the reason for this shift of personality. Parenting a toddler has helped me learn to relax a little bit. Organization is still crucial to me surviving day to day, but I can overlook a dusty table in order to play with trucks or a dishwasher full of clean dishes to build. I can take an extra five minutes to feed the dog because my little helper wants to do it. Sometimes, I can even overlook a little dog hair because Soren insists on doing the sweeping. (Though not often, so usually the sweeping happens during nap time.) And I hope in these choices that I am helping my little boy learn the value of people over tasks, understand that he is capable and helpful and that while being organized is helpful and efficient, sometimes a mess can wait while a accept a hug or spend time reading with family.
I know there are many other messes of varying kinds to look forward to in the years to come and I pray that these baby steps I'm taking to be more flexible and adaptable at this stage will help me in the times when these messes are bigger or more complicated. When my kid is hurting and I can't make it better. When my kid gets into a mess and I have to help pick up the pieces. Hopefully the lessons we're both learning now: for Soren that he is capable, valuable and loved and for me that people are always more important to me than tasks, hopefully these will serve us as we journey together.
As I read the words on Soren's wall, it served as a little gut check for myself that kids will be kids, they'll get messy and that my house and my life won't be as neat and tidy as it was before. And as I stood in that room, holding my little boy over the bulge of my coming boy, I knew in my heart that I wouldn't want it any other way.
I read again the other night the quote we have on Soren's wall. "Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it." And it served as a reminder to me, which was a big part of why I chose it. Kids, and I think especially boys, will mess up your life. I have tripped on my share of toys in my once tidy living room. I don't get (or have the energy) to clean as often as I'd like and the layers of dust at times drive me crazy, as does the constant shedding of dog hair (that one I clean more often). I'm amazed at how messy a kid can get at breakfast, lunch AND dinner. And now I'm more often late than early.
But this mess in my life isn't all bad, because that's the reason for this shift of personality. Parenting a toddler has helped me learn to relax a little bit. Organization is still crucial to me surviving day to day, but I can overlook a dusty table in order to play with trucks or a dishwasher full of clean dishes to build. I can take an extra five minutes to feed the dog because my little helper wants to do it. Sometimes, I can even overlook a little dog hair because Soren insists on doing the sweeping. (Though not often, so usually the sweeping happens during nap time.) And I hope in these choices that I am helping my little boy learn the value of people over tasks, understand that he is capable and helpful and that while being organized is helpful and efficient, sometimes a mess can wait while a accept a hug or spend time reading with family.
I know there are many other messes of varying kinds to look forward to in the years to come and I pray that these baby steps I'm taking to be more flexible and adaptable at this stage will help me in the times when these messes are bigger or more complicated. When my kid is hurting and I can't make it better. When my kid gets into a mess and I have to help pick up the pieces. Hopefully the lessons we're both learning now: for Soren that he is capable, valuable and loved and for me that people are always more important to me than tasks, hopefully these will serve us as we journey together.
As I read the words on Soren's wall, it served as a little gut check for myself that kids will be kids, they'll get messy and that my house and my life won't be as neat and tidy as it was before. And as I stood in that room, holding my little boy over the bulge of my coming boy, I knew in my heart that I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Anticipation
I realized that Soren's been getting all the attention on here lately, even as I started my last entry talking about getting ready for the next baby. The second pregnancy sure is a whole different experience than the first. Some of those differences come because everything's not new or strange anymore. I understand a bit better what my body and I are going through (although I sure seem to have forgotten a lot in two years, as well). But my focus is a lot different now, too. Instead of using all my spare time to think about or plan for this new little baby, I find I have no spare time! Not exactly true, but I have a whole lot less and so things keep getting pushed aside for another time.
I'm pretty sure we had a name at this point with the last baby. We're not even close (unless Erich finally gives in to my innumerable excellent suggestions). The nursery-to-be is still full of office furniture and men's clothes in the closet. The plus side is that we have the furniture and bedding - it's just in use by a big brother at the moment. With all the other things going on -- finishing stuff on the kitchen remodel, getting the yard ready for fall/winter (when you miss most of the summer it takes a lot to catch up!) and keeping up with an active toddler -- we find ourselves drained of energy and resources and time to prepare for this little one.
Yet despite these limitations, it is with great anticipation that I await the arrival of our little boy. He is being knit together in the last few months to be a unique and special addition to our family. Though we do not yet know his name, God does and always has. God knows the number of hairs on his head, his eye color and his personality. And I think each day about the future moments when I will discover these same things about our second son. His life is also a gift to us and I am reminded of that each time I feel this little boy move within me, whether it's a kick to the ribs or a gentle rolling that makes my whole stomach move.
While some of the physical preparations for this baby may be lacking, in my heart I am busily preparing a place that this little boy has already begun to occupy. I know in a more personal way what we will experience upon the arrival of this baby; not just the sleep deprivation and shift in responsibilities, but also the love and joy, the quiet, tender moments we will experience and the overwhelming emotions that come with raising a child. In those ways, I am even more ready than before to welcome this little boy, waiting in great anticipation.
I'm pretty sure we had a name at this point with the last baby. We're not even close (unless Erich finally gives in to my innumerable excellent suggestions). The nursery-to-be is still full of office furniture and men's clothes in the closet. The plus side is that we have the furniture and bedding - it's just in use by a big brother at the moment. With all the other things going on -- finishing stuff on the kitchen remodel, getting the yard ready for fall/winter (when you miss most of the summer it takes a lot to catch up!) and keeping up with an active toddler -- we find ourselves drained of energy and resources and time to prepare for this little one.
Yet despite these limitations, it is with great anticipation that I await the arrival of our little boy. He is being knit together in the last few months to be a unique and special addition to our family. Though we do not yet know his name, God does and always has. God knows the number of hairs on his head, his eye color and his personality. And I think each day about the future moments when I will discover these same things about our second son. His life is also a gift to us and I am reminded of that each time I feel this little boy move within me, whether it's a kick to the ribs or a gentle rolling that makes my whole stomach move.
While some of the physical preparations for this baby may be lacking, in my heart I am busily preparing a place that this little boy has already begun to occupy. I know in a more personal way what we will experience upon the arrival of this baby; not just the sleep deprivation and shift in responsibilities, but also the love and joy, the quiet, tender moments we will experience and the overwhelming emotions that come with raising a child. In those ways, I am even more ready than before to welcome this little boy, waiting in great anticipation.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Ch-Ch-Changes
We (make that mostly "I") am busy getting ready for BW2. I'm thinking about how to rearrange furniture, decorate the new nursery, and just generally getting the house ready for winter and a newborn. I am also watching my first baby turn into a little boy before my eyes.
Some of it is our own doing; last weekend we took a side of Soren's crib to start the transition to a big boy bed so his baby brother can have the crib. He's doing great at that and we are relieved, but it's hard to move on. I wonder how I'll feel when his real bed is set up and the baby stuff has gone to the neighboring room.
Some of it is the stuff of toddlerhood, with greater independence and a lot of "Soren do it" or "Self" which, in Sorenese means he wants to to do something without help from us. Or the ability and desire to eat his food not cut into minute pieces, but proportions that are more adult-sized: "together" as Soren calls it through tears. Occasionally, this also results in a tantrum of terrible twos proportions, which we aren't used to without gentle-spirited little boy.
And some of it are the small changes that are almost imperceptible: I noticed the other day that Soren's pudgy "rubberband wrists" are starting to disappear. I literally came close to tears at this observation. Soren's always been pretty slim, but I loved those little wrist rolls. And I'm losing them, just like I'm losing my little baby to boyhood.
These changes: physical, developmental or in our environment signal a time of transition that leaves me with some sadness as I miss the days of his infancy. But I also get great joy out of seeing the milestones and accomplishments Soren makes daily. He loves to share with others (usually). He desires to make friends. And we think he's pretty smart because two days after our first day of school, he remembers that I told him beforehand that we will "make new friends" and that he played with trucks and that we have to "wait door open" (we cannot enter the room until the door is opened by the teacher). That makes him a genius, right?!
He loves books, trucks, running, building, and his dog, Marley. He's all boy. He's still my baby. But he's growing up. Our future holds big changes as Soren turns 2 and becomes a big brother. I look back with sadness (and sweet memories) at what has already passed and I look forward with anticipation for the days to come. But most of all, I try to enjoy the moment and cherish each day we have right now. Because each day is special, each holds a unique experience or blessing or interaction with our little boy and an opportunity to glimpse the boy -- and much later the man -- God has gifted us with parenting.
Some of it is our own doing; last weekend we took a side of Soren's crib to start the transition to a big boy bed so his baby brother can have the crib. He's doing great at that and we are relieved, but it's hard to move on. I wonder how I'll feel when his real bed is set up and the baby stuff has gone to the neighboring room.
Some of it is the stuff of toddlerhood, with greater independence and a lot of "Soren do it" or "Self" which, in Sorenese means he wants to to do something without help from us. Or the ability and desire to eat his food not cut into minute pieces, but proportions that are more adult-sized: "together" as Soren calls it through tears. Occasionally, this also results in a tantrum of terrible twos proportions, which we aren't used to without gentle-spirited little boy.
And some of it are the small changes that are almost imperceptible: I noticed the other day that Soren's pudgy "rubberband wrists" are starting to disappear. I literally came close to tears at this observation. Soren's always been pretty slim, but I loved those little wrist rolls. And I'm losing them, just like I'm losing my little baby to boyhood.
These changes: physical, developmental or in our environment signal a time of transition that leaves me with some sadness as I miss the days of his infancy. But I also get great joy out of seeing the milestones and accomplishments Soren makes daily. He loves to share with others (usually). He desires to make friends. And we think he's pretty smart because two days after our first day of school, he remembers that I told him beforehand that we will "make new friends" and that he played with trucks and that we have to "wait door open" (we cannot enter the room until the door is opened by the teacher). That makes him a genius, right?!
He loves books, trucks, running, building, and his dog, Marley. He's all boy. He's still my baby. But he's growing up. Our future holds big changes as Soren turns 2 and becomes a big brother. I look back with sadness (and sweet memories) at what has already passed and I look forward with anticipation for the days to come. But most of all, I try to enjoy the moment and cherish each day we have right now. Because each day is special, each holds a unique experience or blessing or interaction with our little boy and an opportunity to glimpse the boy -- and much later the man -- God has gifted us with parenting.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
At the Playground
Maybe it's just me. Maybe I have a skewed vision of playground etiquette. But what's with parents just letting their preschool children run wild at the playground, with no supervision? We had just such an experience this week. Soren LOVES to play with other kids, so I'm usually grateful when I see someone walking towards the park with their preschool aged kids. And I was on that morning. First a dad and son came walking over. And from another direction, a mom with her 2 kids. What luck!
It took Soren a little while, but he eventually showed interest in playing with the other kids and when two of the kids (a brother and sister) did the teeter-totter with him, I thought we were in luck. But soon the girl made it clear that she wanted to play with me and not Soren. Not so much an option. But then here I am, the pregnant mom chasing her distract-able toddler, helping this girl on the monkey bars without the mom so much as glancing our way! And it only got worse.
Soren loves to share his toys, which we always have to have -- a dump truck, tractor, and shovel. But this little girl just took one right out of his hands and informed me that "He has to share." To which I, as calmly as I could, said, "That's my decision to make. He likes to share so if you'd just wait I'm sure he'll give you one of the trucks." Which Soren did. Yet she still didn't want him to play with her (though I made her if she wanted the truck). What's with that? So now I'm babysitting this mom's two kids as they at times interact none-too-kindly with Soren, trying not to hover too much but also wanting Soren to be safe and to learn how to interact appropriately with other kids. While the mom never seems to even shoot a glance in our direction. I'm refereeing toys (all of which were ours), negotiating guidelines, and trying not to go off on these kids all to give Soren a positive experience with these strangers we may never see again.
Once the meeting was over, this mom was one of the most involved moms I've seen at the playground, running around, climbing and sliding with her kids. But it was like her parent brain just shut off for the duration of that meeting; like her kids didn't need guidance because they were at the playground. I guess I just think that even if we're at the park with other people that I want to talk with, my first and primary responsibility is to my child. I'm there to make sure he's safe and to make sure he treats others with kindness and respect so that everyone goes home having had fun at the playground (hopefully including the parents).
Is that just weird?
It took Soren a little while, but he eventually showed interest in playing with the other kids and when two of the kids (a brother and sister) did the teeter-totter with him, I thought we were in luck. But soon the girl made it clear that she wanted to play with me and not Soren. Not so much an option. But then here I am, the pregnant mom chasing her distract-able toddler, helping this girl on the monkey bars without the mom so much as glancing our way! And it only got worse.
Soren loves to share his toys, which we always have to have -- a dump truck, tractor, and shovel. But this little girl just took one right out of his hands and informed me that "He has to share." To which I, as calmly as I could, said, "That's my decision to make. He likes to share so if you'd just wait I'm sure he'll give you one of the trucks." Which Soren did. Yet she still didn't want him to play with her (though I made her if she wanted the truck). What's with that? So now I'm babysitting this mom's two kids as they at times interact none-too-kindly with Soren, trying not to hover too much but also wanting Soren to be safe and to learn how to interact appropriately with other kids. While the mom never seems to even shoot a glance in our direction. I'm refereeing toys (all of which were ours), negotiating guidelines, and trying not to go off on these kids all to give Soren a positive experience with these strangers we may never see again.
Once the meeting was over, this mom was one of the most involved moms I've seen at the playground, running around, climbing and sliding with her kids. But it was like her parent brain just shut off for the duration of that meeting; like her kids didn't need guidance because they were at the playground. I guess I just think that even if we're at the park with other people that I want to talk with, my first and primary responsibility is to my child. I'm there to make sure he's safe and to make sure he treats others with kindness and respect so that everyone goes home having had fun at the playground (hopefully including the parents).
Is that just weird?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A Gift
Soren is becoming such a funny little boy! He loves to spin. He loves to run. He loves to hug - twice. He says "bless you" when someone sneezes and runs to the door to watch each garbage truck that passes by on Tuesdays. He once kissed his balloon goodnight. He laughs in sheer delight at so many things.
He has turned into a monkey - today I walked in my room to find him in the middle of my (rather tall) bed and later turned in the kitchen to find him sitting in his high chair, having climbed in by himself. He climbs (or tries) the jungle gyms at the playground. He proudly announces "Ta" (as in, "ta da") when he has accomplished some great feat. I watch in amazement as he changes each week.
Soren is a gift and I try to view each day in light of that, especially when I'm hearing the same phrase for the millionth time or having trouble keeping up because of the discomfort of pregnancy. It's a good excuse to ignore the dishes piled in the sink or the laundry waiting to be put away. Those things must be done, but I have a gift to treasure and another on the way.
I read a blog today about little disciples and the importance of raising children as the making of raising disciples. I know there are times when I clearly communicate Jesus to my little disciple, but does he see Jesus in me? Do I live each day in dependence on God? I am trying to start each day in prayer, giving my day, my attitudes, my choices to God. Most days, to find time to do more than that is difficult. But I desire so much more. My little gift deserves so much more. And my God is worthy of so much more.
Today as I read a portion of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount this afternoon, I reflected on the following verses: "'So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself."
My God knows what I need. My Father wants to provide for me. My Savior wants me to worry first about his kingdom. And when I get these things right, in the right order, I am much better able to enjoy my gifts and to raise him (and his coming brother) as children who will also seek first the kingdom of God and enjoy the gifts we're given.
He has turned into a monkey - today I walked in my room to find him in the middle of my (rather tall) bed and later turned in the kitchen to find him sitting in his high chair, having climbed in by himself. He climbs (or tries) the jungle gyms at the playground. He proudly announces "Ta" (as in, "ta da") when he has accomplished some great feat. I watch in amazement as he changes each week.
Soren is a gift and I try to view each day in light of that, especially when I'm hearing the same phrase for the millionth time or having trouble keeping up because of the discomfort of pregnancy. It's a good excuse to ignore the dishes piled in the sink or the laundry waiting to be put away. Those things must be done, but I have a gift to treasure and another on the way.
I read a blog today about little disciples and the importance of raising children as the making of raising disciples. I know there are times when I clearly communicate Jesus to my little disciple, but does he see Jesus in me? Do I live each day in dependence on God? I am trying to start each day in prayer, giving my day, my attitudes, my choices to God. Most days, to find time to do more than that is difficult. But I desire so much more. My little gift deserves so much more. And my God is worthy of so much more.
Today as I read a portion of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount this afternoon, I reflected on the following verses: "'So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself."
My God knows what I need. My Father wants to provide for me. My Savior wants me to worry first about his kingdom. And when I get these things right, in the right order, I am much better able to enjoy my gifts and to raise him (and his coming brother) as children who will also seek first the kingdom of God and enjoy the gifts we're given.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Toddler Super Powers
The last few days I have been amazed at Soren's ability to be so deeply absorbed in an activity and yet pick out a sound and correctly name it. Especially a sound that I barely register and consider almost back ground noise -- a buzzing june bug, a plane flying overhead, a bird passing by.
In one moment, Soren appears completely focused in his trucks, quietly pushing and arranging them for minutes, and the chirping of a passing bird causes him to look up at me and say, "Tweet, tweet." Or to be so busy on the playground and yet the noise of a vehicle and he looks up and correctly names -- "Bike?" And I've hardly even recognized the sound.
It's like the kid has super powers, not even 2 years old, and he can correctly name a passing vehicle without seeing it. He can be absorbed in his play and hear the random buzz of a bug outside that I barely noticed. He sees things I don't, even though he's playing and I'm not giving my attention to anything in particular. If only I could notice the little things the way Soren does. It is sure fun and observe the world through toddler lenses, where any noise is worth recognizing and naming, and sight is worth my attention. The world is bigger and more interesting with the toddler super powers of observation and I'm so glad I get to experience it through the my own little super hero.
In one moment, Soren appears completely focused in his trucks, quietly pushing and arranging them for minutes, and the chirping of a passing bird causes him to look up at me and say, "Tweet, tweet." Or to be so busy on the playground and yet the noise of a vehicle and he looks up and correctly names -- "Bike?" And I've hardly even recognized the sound.
It's like the kid has super powers, not even 2 years old, and he can correctly name a passing vehicle without seeing it. He can be absorbed in his play and hear the random buzz of a bug outside that I barely noticed. He sees things I don't, even though he's playing and I'm not giving my attention to anything in particular. If only I could notice the little things the way Soren does. It is sure fun and observe the world through toddler lenses, where any noise is worth recognizing and naming, and sight is worth my attention. The world is bigger and more interesting with the toddler super powers of observation and I'm so glad I get to experience it through the my own little super hero.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Double Your Pleasure
This morning I sat in the grass at the park watching Soren digging in the sand. At one point, I reflected on how in just 5 short months, I won't have the indulgence of such precious one-on-one time. This thought has occurred to me frequently over the last year, even before expecting Baby 2, as I would think forward to the future and relish the quiet moments with newborn Soren, infant Soren and now toddler Soren. I won't have those same opportunities with Baby 2 or even much longer with Soren.
I used to feel guilty about my time Soren and how he's the only child in our family who will experience this precious time in such a way. But someone once pointed out to me that ALL firstborns have this experience and ALL later borns don't. And many first borns get experiences that other kids don't. And they encouraged me just to enjoy this time I do have and not to feel guilty about it. So I'm trying to do just that.
Today I enjoyed the fact that I could sit and watch Soren without worrying about an infant overheating or getting sunburned. I cherished the fact that I wasn't chasing an older Soren through the heat rather than sitting with a younger sibling near the sandbox. And I REALLY relished this privilege as I watched another mom run across the park because one of her kids decided to start running home, leaving her other kids at the park with a friend (or helping her corner the toddler).
So my little man, we are lucky right now. In our day to day, it's just you and me to focus on one another, to enjoy each other and to enjoy my full attention in this process of growing up. And for now, I plan to enjoy every moment of this while we both prepare for your coming sibling.
I used to feel guilty about my time Soren and how he's the only child in our family who will experience this precious time in such a way. But someone once pointed out to me that ALL firstborns have this experience and ALL later borns don't. And many first borns get experiences that other kids don't. And they encouraged me just to enjoy this time I do have and not to feel guilty about it. So I'm trying to do just that.
Today I enjoyed the fact that I could sit and watch Soren without worrying about an infant overheating or getting sunburned. I cherished the fact that I wasn't chasing an older Soren through the heat rather than sitting with a younger sibling near the sandbox. And I REALLY relished this privilege as I watched another mom run across the park because one of her kids decided to start running home, leaving her other kids at the park with a friend (or helping her corner the toddler).
So my little man, we are lucky right now. In our day to day, it's just you and me to focus on one another, to enjoy each other and to enjoy my full attention in this process of growing up. And for now, I plan to enjoy every moment of this while we both prepare for your coming sibling.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Watching
These days, I do a lot of watching. I watch Soren all day, everyday. But what I really mean is, I do a lot of observing. Soren likes to have me around, but is often more content to play on his own. And it's a joy to watch, I mean observe, him as he goes about his day.
It is amazing to me that he can pick up new words every day now, sometimes after hearing them only once. Or that he demonstrates curiosity in knowing what things are, wanting to call them by name. It's a thrill to watch him puff up with pride when he succeeds in doing the activity he is trying, scaling the object he is climbing (including the 6ft ladder in our kitchen when I wasn't looking), or just being funny.
And it is so fun for me to watch Soren interact with others: Daddy, Mormor, Grandma and Grandpa, Laura (or Ottie as she's now called) and David. He loves these people who love him and it's a thrill to observe him as he shrieks and giggles with glee when Daddy chases him around the house. Or Mormor plays peek-a-boo or when Grandpa walks his fingers towards Soren at the table. I love to watch as he gives these special people kisses and hugs good-bye.
And in all of this, I know that I am watching Soren grow. He is learning and changing everyday, he is SO much fun and yet despite the excitement of all of this I know that my baby is disappearing a little more each day. He is becoming more and more a little boy. That's why I just love when he points to himself and says "baby." Because I know my baby is still here for me to enjoy and observe. And I will have the privilege of watching him grow to be the boy, the adolescent, the man that God has created him to be.
It is amazing to me that he can pick up new words every day now, sometimes after hearing them only once. Or that he demonstrates curiosity in knowing what things are, wanting to call them by name. It's a thrill to watch him puff up with pride when he succeeds in doing the activity he is trying, scaling the object he is climbing (including the 6ft ladder in our kitchen when I wasn't looking), or just being funny.
And it is so fun for me to watch Soren interact with others: Daddy, Mormor, Grandma and Grandpa, Laura (or Ottie as she's now called) and David. He loves these people who love him and it's a thrill to observe him as he shrieks and giggles with glee when Daddy chases him around the house. Or Mormor plays peek-a-boo or when Grandpa walks his fingers towards Soren at the table. I love to watch as he gives these special people kisses and hugs good-bye.
And in all of this, I know that I am watching Soren grow. He is learning and changing everyday, he is SO much fun and yet despite the excitement of all of this I know that my baby is disappearing a little more each day. He is becoming more and more a little boy. That's why I just love when he points to himself and says "baby." Because I know my baby is still here for me to enjoy and observe. And I will have the privilege of watching him grow to be the boy, the adolescent, the man that God has created him to be.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Remodeling Life
We're remodeling our kitchen from the ground up. For me, that is more than enough as we live in the reality of having literally no kitchen and no way to prepare food for a busy 18 month old. And it probably explains why my last blog was written in early March. This project has becoming an overwhelming process, one in which I am excited to see the finished product, but stressful none-the-less.
We're expecting baby number 2. We're starting to think about all the things we need to do in the house to prepare for this next baby. Let me count the ways: move the giant desk, bookshelf and piano out of the office which will become a nursery. No room in the house is big enough for all of it, so on top of a new kitchen, Soren will be adapting to new arrangements in almost every room in the house -- including his.
It's a lot for me to think about and adapt to and live with. I can't imagine what my little boy is thinking about all this -- and what he'll think about all the changes to come over the next 8 months.
In all of this, I am learning to deal with the fact that I am not in control. It's a good lesson and an important one for me to learn. It's not just the kitchen we're remodeling, it's not only our furniture that's being rearranged. My attitude and my heart are being remodeled, too. And I look forward to seeing the finished product.
We're expecting baby number 2. We're starting to think about all the things we need to do in the house to prepare for this next baby. Let me count the ways: move the giant desk, bookshelf and piano out of the office which will become a nursery. No room in the house is big enough for all of it, so on top of a new kitchen, Soren will be adapting to new arrangements in almost every room in the house -- including his.
It's a lot for me to think about and adapt to and live with. I can't imagine what my little boy is thinking about all this -- and what he'll think about all the changes to come over the next 8 months.
In all of this, I am learning to deal with the fact that I am not in control. It's a good lesson and an important one for me to learn. It's not just the kitchen we're remodeling, it's not only our furniture that's being rearranged. My attitude and my heart are being remodeled, too. And I look forward to seeing the finished product.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Masters of the Universe
Being a mom, especially a SAHM, is often overwhelming to me. I often wish feel as though I should have multiple masters degrees; I want an extensive background in financial management, education, horticulture and gardening, diet and nutrition, first aid, culinary skills, canning, fabric care, sewing, arts and crafts, interior decorating, child development, psychology and more.
Life would be so much easier if I just knew it all! My family would be healthier, better fed, better educated and all for less money. While I enjoy learning and the pursuit of knowledge in any or all of these areas is a good thing on those days when I am most anxious about my lack of knowledge I most need to remind myself to rest in the Lord. His desire is that I not be anxious about anything -- and when I am, I am disobedient. I must learn to give Him worries and lean on Him to give me, and my family, all that I need.
How wonderful it is and blessed I am to know that God cares for me enough to care about all my anxieties. And while I am feeling as though I need masters of masters degree to adequately care for my family it so good to know that at the end of the day, I can put my trust in the One who truly is the Master of the Universe.
Life would be so much easier if I just knew it all! My family would be healthier, better fed, better educated and all for less money. While I enjoy learning and the pursuit of knowledge in any or all of these areas is a good thing on those days when I am most anxious about my lack of knowledge I most need to remind myself to rest in the Lord. His desire is that I not be anxious about anything -- and when I am, I am disobedient. I must learn to give Him worries and lean on Him to give me, and my family, all that I need.
How wonderful it is and blessed I am to know that God cares for me enough to care about all my anxieties. And while I am feeling as though I need masters of masters degree to adequately care for my family it so good to know that at the end of the day, I can put my trust in the One who truly is the Master of the Universe.
This Little Light of Mine
Friday, February 12, 2010
"'You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.'" Matthew 5:14-16, The Message
Erich and I have been praying about our family's calling for several weeks now. When we first discussed the idea, a passage from the Bible came to mind almost immediately. I read it in several versions over the next couple days, encouraged Erich to read it and it just resonated with us. This is our calling -- to be a light on a hill, sharing God's hope through an open home, a spirit of generosity. We are still trying to figure what that will "look like" for our family as we live out this calling. How do we commit our time? How do we open our home? What does is mean to be generous with our lives?
This calling will mean different things at different points in our lives. But it is a vision that creates excitement in my heart and can spread hope to our world. We want to be obedient to God and allow this calling to be a filter through which we run our options and allow it to help us make decisions, to deepen relationships and to spend time together as a family.
I'm sure I'll write more as we continue to discern how God is leading us and as we narrow down. It is striking to me how many more verses about hospitality have been brought to my attention over the last week. It just affirms for me that God is speaking to us and leading us in this direction. It is exciting to hear the voice of God and to walk in faithful obedience in the way we believe God is asking our family to live.
"'You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.'" Matthew 5:14-16, The Message
Erich and I have been praying about our family's calling for several weeks now. When we first discussed the idea, a passage from the Bible came to mind almost immediately. I read it in several versions over the next couple days, encouraged Erich to read it and it just resonated with us. This is our calling -- to be a light on a hill, sharing God's hope through an open home, a spirit of generosity. We are still trying to figure what that will "look like" for our family as we live out this calling. How do we commit our time? How do we open our home? What does is mean to be generous with our lives?
This calling will mean different things at different points in our lives. But it is a vision that creates excitement in my heart and can spread hope to our world. We want to be obedient to God and allow this calling to be a filter through which we run our options and allow it to help us make decisions, to deepen relationships and to spend time together as a family.
I'm sure I'll write more as we continue to discern how God is leading us and as we narrow down. It is striking to me how many more verses about hospitality have been brought to my attention over the last week. It just affirms for me that God is speaking to us and leading us in this direction. It is exciting to hear the voice of God and to walk in faithful obedience in the way we believe God is asking our family to live.
A Decade Of Reflections
Friday, January 1, 2010
So many people seem to have taken the opportunity to reflect on the decade as they rang in 2010. I've never been one for a great deal of reflection just because it was New Years, but I thought I'd give it a try. It IS interesting to think about all the things that have happened in 10 years -- many great, some sad, some tragic. In this decade, I personally experienced: graduation from college, my first real job, the death of my dad, my "own" place, graduation from seminary, marriage, ordination, the birth of our first child, 30. And I'm sure I am forgetting much. But in all of this I see the hand of God.
As I consider the year 2010, and even the decade that is to come, I know that it too will be filled with great things, exciting things, sadness. But all wrapped in the blessing of God. Over the next 10 years, I will be entitled to raise our children, to nurture them and point them to the goodness of God. To watch as they grow in stature in wisdom, go to school, play their first sports, learn an instrument, sing in the Christmas program. Soren will be 11 in ten years -- almost in middle school! Maybe we'll be in a new house, have more children, have had amazing experiences or experienced loss. It is exciting to think about.
But mostly, New Year's Day is an opportunity to plan for the next year. To set goals and express hopes for the next year. Some, the same old resolutions: exercise more. Learn or develop a skill (is it time to take up sewing, perhaps? photography?). Others are continuous: to keep seeking God. To give Soren a knowledge of the Scriptures and the God who breathed them. For our home to be a place that welcomes visitors and is a place of nourishment and rest for our family and friends. I pray that God will help me to accomplish these goals in 2010 and beyond.
So many people seem to have taken the opportunity to reflect on the decade as they rang in 2010. I've never been one for a great deal of reflection just because it was New Years, but I thought I'd give it a try. It IS interesting to think about all the things that have happened in 10 years -- many great, some sad, some tragic. In this decade, I personally experienced: graduation from college, my first real job, the death of my dad, my "own" place, graduation from seminary, marriage, ordination, the birth of our first child, 30. And I'm sure I am forgetting much. But in all of this I see the hand of God.
As I consider the year 2010, and even the decade that is to come, I know that it too will be filled with great things, exciting things, sadness. But all wrapped in the blessing of God. Over the next 10 years, I will be entitled to raise our children, to nurture them and point them to the goodness of God. To watch as they grow in stature in wisdom, go to school, play their first sports, learn an instrument, sing in the Christmas program. Soren will be 11 in ten years -- almost in middle school! Maybe we'll be in a new house, have more children, have had amazing experiences or experienced loss. It is exciting to think about.
But mostly, New Year's Day is an opportunity to plan for the next year. To set goals and express hopes for the next year. Some, the same old resolutions: exercise more. Learn or develop a skill (is it time to take up sewing, perhaps? photography?). Others are continuous: to keep seeking God. To give Soren a knowledge of the Scriptures and the God who breathed them. For our home to be a place that welcomes visitors and is a place of nourishment and rest for our family and friends. I pray that God will help me to accomplish these goals in 2010 and beyond.
Emmanuel -- God with Us
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I have found especially meaningful this Christmas the spiritual truth that in Jesus, God came to live with us. "His name shall be called Emmanuel." What an idea! How crazy this must have been to those who first heard the prophesy and those to whom the angels proclaimed Jesus' arrival. That God, omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, would so limit Himself to human flesh, human knowledge, human experience to live among His creation. But that is the miracle and the mystery that we celebrate on Christmas. That is the truth we ponder during the advent season. That God became man in Jesus Christ to point His precious children to the Kingdom of Heaven.
I'm not sure exactly why this reality has so impressed itself upon me this year. Earlier I wrote about wanting to be more intentional about reflecting on the Truths of the season. And I believe that this is one way God has honored that desire. (Though I did not follow through as well as I hoped!) I do not fully comprehend the great love that produced this act of self-limitation on God's part, but it is delightful to be wrapped in such love. There is a tension between the mystery and the known. God revealed Himself to us in a humble birth and life of ministry and teaching. But there is mystery, too, in how and why God chose to limit Himself and save His people in this way, to be Emmanuel.
It is my hope that I can continue to ponder this truth in my heart, to wait in anticipation as God reveals more to me, in the same way Mary and so many others waited in anticipation of the Promised One who would be King of Kings, Lord of Lords and Wonderful Counselor in a way so unexpected, so humble and yet so powerful -- as "God with us."
I have found especially meaningful this Christmas the spiritual truth that in Jesus, God came to live with us. "His name shall be called Emmanuel." What an idea! How crazy this must have been to those who first heard the prophesy and those to whom the angels proclaimed Jesus' arrival. That God, omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, would so limit Himself to human flesh, human knowledge, human experience to live among His creation. But that is the miracle and the mystery that we celebrate on Christmas. That is the truth we ponder during the advent season. That God became man in Jesus Christ to point His precious children to the Kingdom of Heaven.
I'm not sure exactly why this reality has so impressed itself upon me this year. Earlier I wrote about wanting to be more intentional about reflecting on the Truths of the season. And I believe that this is one way God has honored that desire. (Though I did not follow through as well as I hoped!) I do not fully comprehend the great love that produced this act of self-limitation on God's part, but it is delightful to be wrapped in such love. There is a tension between the mystery and the known. God revealed Himself to us in a humble birth and life of ministry and teaching. But there is mystery, too, in how and why God chose to limit Himself and save His people in this way, to be Emmanuel.
It is my hope that I can continue to ponder this truth in my heart, to wait in anticipation as God reveals more to me, in the same way Mary and so many others waited in anticipation of the Promised One who would be King of Kings, Lord of Lords and Wonderful Counselor in a way so unexpected, so humble and yet so powerful -- as "God with us."
Why I'm Okay with my Kids Believing in Santa Claus
Monday, December 27, 2009
I read a couple of blogs this Christmas in which people explained their reasons for why they do not want their kids to believe in Santa Claus. I've appreciated their words and their perspectives; they have been thought-provoking and have created discussion about what we want to do in our family. While I appreciated what others shared about their opinions and their decisions about their families, I didn't agree with everything that was said and that's why our decision is different than those of the blogs I read.
A couple of reasons that people didn't want to do the "santa clause thing" were: the feeling it would stunt the spiritual growth of their kids, encouraging their kids to think there is a reward system for being good (i.e. eat your peas or Santa won't come!) and wanting your kids to trust the good word of their parents and to revel in the generosity of their parents, rather than a fictional person, at Christmas. All of these things are good and I agree as a parent and a Christ-follower that I want my kids to have right understanding of God and His son, Jesus, to trust in my word and to know that salvation is by faith and not good works.
I believed in Santa Claus until about the age of 9 or 10, when I discovered a gift from Santa hidden in hall closet before Christmas morning. I do not believe that my spiritual growth and spiritual knowledge were stunted because I believed in Santa. My parents also never used Santa as a dangling carrot for good behavior for my sister and I. And in our family, we have committed to doing the same. We want obedience to come out of a love for God and for us, a trust that we hold the best interests of our kids and our family in mind at all times.
And while Santa's legend stops short of a great analogy to our Christian faith, I think a belief in Santa can encourage our kids to consider the mystery and generosity that is part of the Christ-filled celebration. Santa Clause comes from the real St. Nicholas, known for his generosity stemming from his faith in God. Our kids will get gifts from us and from Santa. They will experience the generosity of their parents as we give them good gifts, but even more as they see the good gifts of their Heavenly Father, first and foremost in the giving of His Son.
I don't want my kids to forever believe in fairy tales -- life has bumps and valleys, a happily ever after takes work and self-sacrifice and an all-knowing Santa does not exist. But childhood holds a special naivete where these realities do not need to be fully experienced. An innocence that has great joy, security and trust. I want to encourage this wonder and this trust. And while enjoying the fairy tales of childhood, I also want to instill in my family the Truth that is Love, that an all-knowing, all-powerful, always-present God is with us in valleys, in self-sacrifice of marriage, friendship and parenthood. That a generous Father is the giver of good things beyond our understanding. And that the greatest mystery of Christmas is not how Santa gets to every house in one night or knows just what each child wants but instead that God gave up His diety, limiting Himself and His power to come dwell among us first as a tiny baby and then a young man who would give His very life, perfect and without blame, for each person, imperfect and full of blame, who would accept this, the greatest gift of Chistmastime.
I read a couple of blogs this Christmas in which people explained their reasons for why they do not want their kids to believe in Santa Claus. I've appreciated their words and their perspectives; they have been thought-provoking and have created discussion about what we want to do in our family. While I appreciated what others shared about their opinions and their decisions about their families, I didn't agree with everything that was said and that's why our decision is different than those of the blogs I read.
A couple of reasons that people didn't want to do the "santa clause thing" were: the feeling it would stunt the spiritual growth of their kids, encouraging their kids to think there is a reward system for being good (i.e. eat your peas or Santa won't come!) and wanting your kids to trust the good word of their parents and to revel in the generosity of their parents, rather than a fictional person, at Christmas. All of these things are good and I agree as a parent and a Christ-follower that I want my kids to have right understanding of God and His son, Jesus, to trust in my word and to know that salvation is by faith and not good works.
I believed in Santa Claus until about the age of 9 or 10, when I discovered a gift from Santa hidden in hall closet before Christmas morning. I do not believe that my spiritual growth and spiritual knowledge were stunted because I believed in Santa. My parents also never used Santa as a dangling carrot for good behavior for my sister and I. And in our family, we have committed to doing the same. We want obedience to come out of a love for God and for us, a trust that we hold the best interests of our kids and our family in mind at all times.
And while Santa's legend stops short of a great analogy to our Christian faith, I think a belief in Santa can encourage our kids to consider the mystery and generosity that is part of the Christ-filled celebration. Santa Clause comes from the real St. Nicholas, known for his generosity stemming from his faith in God. Our kids will get gifts from us and from Santa. They will experience the generosity of their parents as we give them good gifts, but even more as they see the good gifts of their Heavenly Father, first and foremost in the giving of His Son.
I don't want my kids to forever believe in fairy tales -- life has bumps and valleys, a happily ever after takes work and self-sacrifice and an all-knowing Santa does not exist. But childhood holds a special naivete where these realities do not need to be fully experienced. An innocence that has great joy, security and trust. I want to encourage this wonder and this trust. And while enjoying the fairy tales of childhood, I also want to instill in my family the Truth that is Love, that an all-knowing, all-powerful, always-present God is with us in valleys, in self-sacrifice of marriage, friendship and parenthood. That a generous Father is the giver of good things beyond our understanding. And that the greatest mystery of Christmas is not how Santa gets to every house in one night or knows just what each child wants but instead that God gave up His diety, limiting Himself and His power to come dwell among us first as a tiny baby and then a young man who would give His very life, perfect and without blame, for each person, imperfect and full of blame, who would accept this, the greatest gift of Chistmastime.
The Four Letter Words of Toddlerhood
Sunday, December 27, 2009
So, we've reached it at our house. Mr. Soren is a toddler. The first sign? The little temper-tantrums I've witnessed after saying those four-letter words of toddler-dom: "No," "Wait" and "Stop!" It is generally amusing to watch our sweet-tempered little boy have a little meltdown at that tiny word "no." To watch the cute little face give me a thundercloud frown or his body just drop in half and the crying start because he doesn't like the answer.
I know it probably won't always be so amusing, if the day comes when the little temper-tantrum is not so little or the mini-meltdowns are no longer mini. But I also hope that my attitude will be such that I can absorb these meltdowns as a reality of this stage of growth, a reality that can amuse me rather than cause me stress, anger me or lead me to a meltdown. I pray for that attitude to daily remain positive, to accept Soren's response with amusement and to love him in this developmental stage where he is learning to accept "no" and "wait" as directives that are meant to help him, guide him and enable him to grow in stature and wisdom into the little boy and eventually the young man that God would have Soren to be.
So, we've reached it at our house. Mr. Soren is a toddler. The first sign? The little temper-tantrums I've witnessed after saying those four-letter words of toddler-dom: "No," "Wait" and "Stop!" It is generally amusing to watch our sweet-tempered little boy have a little meltdown at that tiny word "no." To watch the cute little face give me a thundercloud frown or his body just drop in half and the crying start because he doesn't like the answer.
I know it probably won't always be so amusing, if the day comes when the little temper-tantrum is not so little or the mini-meltdowns are no longer mini. But I also hope that my attitude will be such that I can absorb these meltdowns as a reality of this stage of growth, a reality that can amuse me rather than cause me stress, anger me or lead me to a meltdown. I pray for that attitude to daily remain positive, to accept Soren's response with amusement and to love him in this developmental stage where he is learning to accept "no" and "wait" as directives that are meant to help him, guide him and enable him to grow in stature and wisdom into the little boy and eventually the young man that God would have Soren to be.
Great Expectations
Monday, November 30, 2009
I love Christmas. Christmas decorations. Christmas lights. Christmas smells. Christmas music. Christmas movies (cheesy or not). Christmas gatherings. Christmas services. I love love love it.
This year, while I enjoy all of these things, I have also committed myself to be more intentional about remembering the greatest part of Christmas -- God's great and tiny gift. Amidst the lights, the smells, the music, I look forward with anticipation at the way God will reveal Himself to me as I take pause to reflect in a deeper way upon what it means that Jesus came to earth, relinquishing His deity. To ponder what it must have been like for Mary, as she glowed with pregnancy, for the shepherds as they tiptoed into the stable to peer at this newborn baby, for the wise men who understood there was something special about that star and that babe.
As we begin the advent season, I want to experience the awe and expectation of God's prophesied and promised Messiah arriving to a humble girl in a humble stable. I want to realize in a fresh way the glory of Emmanuel, God With Us.
I love Christmas. Christmas decorations. Christmas lights. Christmas smells. Christmas music. Christmas movies (cheesy or not). Christmas gatherings. Christmas services. I love love love it.
This year, while I enjoy all of these things, I have also committed myself to be more intentional about remembering the greatest part of Christmas -- God's great and tiny gift. Amidst the lights, the smells, the music, I look forward with anticipation at the way God will reveal Himself to me as I take pause to reflect in a deeper way upon what it means that Jesus came to earth, relinquishing His deity. To ponder what it must have been like for Mary, as she glowed with pregnancy, for the shepherds as they tiptoed into the stable to peer at this newborn baby, for the wise men who understood there was something special about that star and that babe.
As we begin the advent season, I want to experience the awe and expectation of God's prophesied and promised Messiah arriving to a humble girl in a humble stable. I want to realize in a fresh way the glory of Emmanuel, God With Us.
One Year Postscript
Monday, November 23, 2009
This one goes out to all the other moms of infants. You are not alone. And I hope this encourages you, as the other mom did me, to always remember to love our husbands well.
I was listening to another mom talk about the first year of motherhood. One of the things she pointed out stuck out to me, because I experienced it as well. It's the other side of parenthood: second-fiddle-hood. That first year, while filled with so much fun and excitement, can also be really difficult on the marriage. 4 am feedings, night/day confusion, chasing an energetic crawler around, putting so much energy and focus on to this little person who can do so little for himself. These things drain a person and steal time from that so precious and primary of relationships, marriage. Hopefully, as we move into the second year, our priorities can shift back, our energies can be poured not just into this precious child but also to one another, to the marriage that is the bedrock of our family.
In our family, our desire is for God to be the center of our home, and our marriage to follow in second place for priorities. We love our child and I believe that the strength of that love will be attested to by the strength of the marriage of his parents. We will love our child well and raise him with the knowledge that there is a Creator God who loves him and desires a relationship with him; our hope is that Soren will passionately and obediently follow Him all of his days. And this can come only as we, his parents, first love God, second love one another, and third, love Soren and future children our family may include.
This one goes out to all the other moms of infants. You are not alone. And I hope this encourages you, as the other mom did me, to always remember to love our husbands well.
I was listening to another mom talk about the first year of motherhood. One of the things she pointed out stuck out to me, because I experienced it as well. It's the other side of parenthood: second-fiddle-hood. That first year, while filled with so much fun and excitement, can also be really difficult on the marriage. 4 am feedings, night/day confusion, chasing an energetic crawler around, putting so much energy and focus on to this little person who can do so little for himself. These things drain a person and steal time from that so precious and primary of relationships, marriage. Hopefully, as we move into the second year, our priorities can shift back, our energies can be poured not just into this precious child but also to one another, to the marriage that is the bedrock of our family.
In our family, our desire is for God to be the center of our home, and our marriage to follow in second place for priorities. We love our child and I believe that the strength of that love will be attested to by the strength of the marriage of his parents. We will love our child well and raise him with the knowledge that there is a Creator God who loves him and desires a relationship with him; our hope is that Soren will passionately and obediently follow Him all of his days. And this can come only as we, his parents, first love God, second love one another, and third, love Soren and future children our family may include.
One year
Thursday, November 19, 2009
So, my intention had been to write a blog entry on Soren's first birthday. I'd been pondering it, I had chosen the perfect title (5:29 pm) and the...the day flew by without a keystroke. So, now I'm finally getting around to putting finger to key to jot down some thoughts on Soren's first year, one month late.
It is amazing to me how fast that first year of life goes. And how much that little life changes. Soren's weight more than tripled in that first year. He grew 10 inches in length. He went from the tiny infant who slept all the time to the little boy who could stand on his own. We watched as he learned to smile, hold his head, roll, sit, eat food, crawl, feed himself and stand. His ready laugh and funny personality make him a little ham that brings joy to our lives. He can take things out and put things back in to boxes, cupboards and baskets. His accomplishments are simple, but they are so great.
It has been such fun to watch this little boy learn about his world. There is so much to learn and do and it's exhausting as an adult to go through it all. Babies are miraculous creatures. The change in one year, in many ways, is indescribable.
Soren has accomplished much. He continues to amaze me as I watch him learn and grow about his world. I pray for him each day that he will know God, who created him and loves him and that Soren will walk in obedience to Him. God has created a wonderful little boy, has great plans for him as he grows into a man. I trust in the Lord to complete a good work in him. And I'll do my best to guide and to lead, and to sit back and watch His handiwork -- one day and one year at a time. Happy Birthday, sweet boy.
So, my intention had been to write a blog entry on Soren's first birthday. I'd been pondering it, I had chosen the perfect title (5:29 pm) and the...the day flew by without a keystroke. So, now I'm finally getting around to putting finger to key to jot down some thoughts on Soren's first year, one month late.
It is amazing to me how fast that first year of life goes. And how much that little life changes. Soren's weight more than tripled in that first year. He grew 10 inches in length. He went from the tiny infant who slept all the time to the little boy who could stand on his own. We watched as he learned to smile, hold his head, roll, sit, eat food, crawl, feed himself and stand. His ready laugh and funny personality make him a little ham that brings joy to our lives. He can take things out and put things back in to boxes, cupboards and baskets. His accomplishments are simple, but they are so great.
It has been such fun to watch this little boy learn about his world. There is so much to learn and do and it's exhausting as an adult to go through it all. Babies are miraculous creatures. The change in one year, in many ways, is indescribable.
Soren has accomplished much. He continues to amaze me as I watch him learn and grow about his world. I pray for him each day that he will know God, who created him and loves him and that Soren will walk in obedience to Him. God has created a wonderful little boy, has great plans for him as he grows into a man. I trust in the Lord to complete a good work in him. And I'll do my best to guide and to lead, and to sit back and watch His handiwork -- one day and one year at a time. Happy Birthday, sweet boy.
Stop and Smell the Roses
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
If there's one thing parenthood has helped me learn (and trust me, there is WAY more than one thing I've learned) it's to take the time to enjoy my family. I tend towards the anal, always-have-to-be-doing-something-productive end of the spectrum (some might say I am solidly anchoring that end of the spectrum). But over the last 10+ months, motherhood has taught me that it's okay to relax on a Saturday morning and just leisurely enjoy my family. I don't have to clean the house first or get Erich to mow the lawn. We can just relax, enjoy Soren, enjoy breakfast, enjoy one another's company. And that's OKAY. In fact, it's good. I'm pretty good at doing that in the summer when we're at the cabin and away from the sight of all the housework that needs to be done. So hopefully I can take that with me into the fall and winter months. Of course, the house needs to be cleaned and the lawn mowed. Weeds pulled or snow shoveled. But these days of parenting a young child are limited and it's important to enjoy them, to take the time to be relaxed together as a family and have fun together. I only wish I'd learned this lesson better as a newlywed.
If there's one thing parenthood has helped me learn (and trust me, there is WAY more than one thing I've learned) it's to take the time to enjoy my family. I tend towards the anal, always-have-to-be-doing-something-productive end of the spectrum (some might say I am solidly anchoring that end of the spectrum). But over the last 10+ months, motherhood has taught me that it's okay to relax on a Saturday morning and just leisurely enjoy my family. I don't have to clean the house first or get Erich to mow the lawn. We can just relax, enjoy Soren, enjoy breakfast, enjoy one another's company. And that's OKAY. In fact, it's good. I'm pretty good at doing that in the summer when we're at the cabin and away from the sight of all the housework that needs to be done. So hopefully I can take that with me into the fall and winter months. Of course, the house needs to be cleaned and the lawn mowed. Weeds pulled or snow shoveled. But these days of parenting a young child are limited and it's important to enjoy them, to take the time to be relaxed together as a family and have fun together. I only wish I'd learned this lesson better as a newlywed.
Cutting Teeth
Monday, August 31, 2009
Soren started getting his first tooth today at the ripe old age of 10 1/2 months and all I can say is, the phrase "cutting teeth" is aptly given to the process. I've rarely seen my little guy so distraught, crabby and unwilling to sleep despite exhaustion. I finally figured it out around lunch time today and gave the little cutter some Tylenol and something cold to chew on. The difference was noticeable in minutes! My happy guy returned.
I called Daddy to share the exciting news about the long awaited tooth. He'd already heard about the crankiness and not sleeping. His response hit it right on the nose: "And 'we' get to do this for every tooth." (Okay, so maybe not that profound, but I hadn't viewed it in that light yet.) Let's just take this one painful little tooth at a time.
Soren started getting his first tooth today at the ripe old age of 10 1/2 months and all I can say is, the phrase "cutting teeth" is aptly given to the process. I've rarely seen my little guy so distraught, crabby and unwilling to sleep despite exhaustion. I finally figured it out around lunch time today and gave the little cutter some Tylenol and something cold to chew on. The difference was noticeable in minutes! My happy guy returned.
I called Daddy to share the exciting news about the long awaited tooth. He'd already heard about the crankiness and not sleeping. His response hit it right on the nose: "And 'we' get to do this for every tooth." (Okay, so maybe not that profound, but I hadn't viewed it in that light yet.) Let's just take this one painful little tooth at a time.
For the Love of Puke
Monday, August 31, 2009
**Disclaimer** The following post may be a little graphic for those with a low puke tolerance.
Before this weekend, I had spent one night of each of the last 2 weekends covered in Soren's puke. Not cute baby spit up; real, live, acidic, burn your throat, let me show you what I ate for dinner puke. The first time, I had just settled in for a relaxing evening at the cabin while Erich got crying baby duty when a frantic call for help floated down the stairs. I went up to find Erich and Soren doused in the aromatic orange stuff. I quickly started removing Soren's clothes and then took him so Erich could begin to change. To find myself moments later covered in the orange stuff myself. Soren and I spent most of the next hour sitting on a chair in the bathroom, as I held him close to me, avoiding the puke side of my clothing, hopeing it was over. Lots of worry later, he seemed to have finished and we put an exhausted little boy to bed.
The next weekend, Erich managed to avoid the bath, as he took a phone call. So, I went in to comfort a sobbing baby and moments later... found myself covered in puke. I was wiser this time, standing in one spot for the next wave and not bothering to remove any clothing just yet. I was able to get Erich's attention and Soren and I moved quickly to the bathtub to sit out the episode while Erich started in on the carpet. Again, I spent most of the next hour sitting in the tub with my puke-y clothes while a mostly naked baby once again showed me what he ate for dinner -- all of it.
But somehow, this didn't bother me. If it had been some random guy's puke. Hose me down ASAP -- and a sanitizing shower. Erich's puke -- still disgusting. My own puke, yes, I still want a shower right away. But I all I was thinking about was holding my sad, tired, sick little boy and wishing I could make him feel better. It reminded me of an illustration a fellow youth pastor had once shared about a friend of his. This dad had gone to his crying son in the middle of the night to comfort him, only to find him covered in poop when he picked him up and held him close. But he held him until he was calm. And his observation was, this is what God does for his children. We are all covered in the poo of our sin and God loves us and holds us close when we are hurting. When I heard this, I thought it was a poignant and powerful illustration.
But now, as a parent, I'm not so sure. Poop and puke from my children are just not that disgusting. I mean, yes there are times when I open up a diaper to find that unpleasant surprise, but it doesn't make me queasy or fear I'll lose my lunch (although I sometimes fear Erich will; dads seem to have a different tolerance level). I've spent the last week thinking, that's a great illustration to share with high school students, who haven't yet experienced this type of joy in parenthood, but for those of us who have? Maybe not. Until it dawned on me today. Maybe that's the point. When His children are hurting, all God can think about is holding us close. It doesn't bother Him that we're all covered in puke.
**Disclaimer** The following post may be a little graphic for those with a low puke tolerance.
Before this weekend, I had spent one night of each of the last 2 weekends covered in Soren's puke. Not cute baby spit up; real, live, acidic, burn your throat, let me show you what I ate for dinner puke. The first time, I had just settled in for a relaxing evening at the cabin while Erich got crying baby duty when a frantic call for help floated down the stairs. I went up to find Erich and Soren doused in the aromatic orange stuff. I quickly started removing Soren's clothes and then took him so Erich could begin to change. To find myself moments later covered in the orange stuff myself. Soren and I spent most of the next hour sitting on a chair in the bathroom, as I held him close to me, avoiding the puke side of my clothing, hopeing it was over. Lots of worry later, he seemed to have finished and we put an exhausted little boy to bed.
The next weekend, Erich managed to avoid the bath, as he took a phone call. So, I went in to comfort a sobbing baby and moments later... found myself covered in puke. I was wiser this time, standing in one spot for the next wave and not bothering to remove any clothing just yet. I was able to get Erich's attention and Soren and I moved quickly to the bathtub to sit out the episode while Erich started in on the carpet. Again, I spent most of the next hour sitting in the tub with my puke-y clothes while a mostly naked baby once again showed me what he ate for dinner -- all of it.
But somehow, this didn't bother me. If it had been some random guy's puke. Hose me down ASAP -- and a sanitizing shower. Erich's puke -- still disgusting. My own puke, yes, I still want a shower right away. But I all I was thinking about was holding my sad, tired, sick little boy and wishing I could make him feel better. It reminded me of an illustration a fellow youth pastor had once shared about a friend of his. This dad had gone to his crying son in the middle of the night to comfort him, only to find him covered in poop when he picked him up and held him close. But he held him until he was calm. And his observation was, this is what God does for his children. We are all covered in the poo of our sin and God loves us and holds us close when we are hurting. When I heard this, I thought it was a poignant and powerful illustration.
But now, as a parent, I'm not so sure. Poop and puke from my children are just not that disgusting. I mean, yes there are times when I open up a diaper to find that unpleasant surprise, but it doesn't make me queasy or fear I'll lose my lunch (although I sometimes fear Erich will; dads seem to have a different tolerance level). I've spent the last week thinking, that's a great illustration to share with high school students, who haven't yet experienced this type of joy in parenthood, but for those of us who have? Maybe not. Until it dawned on me today. Maybe that's the point. When His children are hurting, all God can think about is holding us close. It doesn't bother Him that we're all covered in puke.
What's in a Name?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Lately, I've been really struggling with the routine of being a stay-at-home-mom. Wake up. Feed baby. Play until nap time (or go back to sleep if I'm lucky enough to have Erich at home long enough to get him down again). Eat breakfast. Chores. Baby up. Play. Feed baby. Chase baby (he's crawling now!). Nap time. Eat lunch. Empty dishwasher if I have time. Baby up. Play. Feed baby. Play. Nap. Feed baby.
Some days I wonder -- is there more to life than the routine of feeding and napping a baby? Some days, I enjoy the relaxation of nap time by reading a book or napping myself. Others, I force myself to get to the inch-thick layer of dust on the furniture or take a vaccuum to the carpet or do the dishes... again.
Don't get me wrong. I love Soren and I love that I am blessed enough to be able to stay home with him, to go to Storytime at the library or ECFE classes. It is a joy and a privilage. But there are days when I become frustrated that my big accomplishment is one of the above named household chores -- and it will need to be done again within days. I wonder about the greater purpose or try to figure out "what I'm supposed to do with my life."
More than once, well-meaning people have said, "Your family is your ministry (or purpose or focus) in this stage of your life." It's meant to encourage me. And yes, I agree that is my primary area of ministry of ministry and focus. But God wired and gifted me for other things, too, and I believe He wants me to always be searching for ways to invest in other people, as well. I have known many (usually stay-at-home) moms who have become so self- and even more kid-focused that it becomes a negative attribute. My family is my ministry, but I also need to use the gifts and talents God has given me. For my own sanity and as a model to my family that we are to use our time for God's purposes and glory.
I don't want to become so inward focused that my family believes I am only here to cater to their needs, their entertainment, their desires. I am so much more that "Mom." And it's okay for me to feel that way. It's okay for me to want to pursue interests and ministries outside of my family. For some people, that's their only calling. That is wonderful and beautiful. But I believe God has asked me to spend time in other ways, as well. To use my education, training and experience to serve our church, to encourage other moms, and to invest in students or adults in ways that enable me to serve my family first and foremost, but that build up and equip the Kingdom of God, as well.
I'm still trying to figure out what that means. I may overcommit myself at times in trying to figure it out and I'll have to scale back. Because I am Mama, too. And I look forward to hearing that name out of the mouth of a precious little boy who I get to see each and every day as he learns and grows and digs himself deeper into my heart.
Lately, I've been really struggling with the routine of being a stay-at-home-mom. Wake up. Feed baby. Play until nap time (or go back to sleep if I'm lucky enough to have Erich at home long enough to get him down again). Eat breakfast. Chores. Baby up. Play. Feed baby. Chase baby (he's crawling now!). Nap time. Eat lunch. Empty dishwasher if I have time. Baby up. Play. Feed baby. Play. Nap. Feed baby.
Some days I wonder -- is there more to life than the routine of feeding and napping a baby? Some days, I enjoy the relaxation of nap time by reading a book or napping myself. Others, I force myself to get to the inch-thick layer of dust on the furniture or take a vaccuum to the carpet or do the dishes... again.
Don't get me wrong. I love Soren and I love that I am blessed enough to be able to stay home with him, to go to Storytime at the library or ECFE classes. It is a joy and a privilage. But there are days when I become frustrated that my big accomplishment is one of the above named household chores -- and it will need to be done again within days. I wonder about the greater purpose or try to figure out "what I'm supposed to do with my life."
More than once, well-meaning people have said, "Your family is your ministry (or purpose or focus) in this stage of your life." It's meant to encourage me. And yes, I agree that is my primary area of ministry of ministry and focus. But God wired and gifted me for other things, too, and I believe He wants me to always be searching for ways to invest in other people, as well. I have known many (usually stay-at-home) moms who have become so self- and even more kid-focused that it becomes a negative attribute. My family is my ministry, but I also need to use the gifts and talents God has given me. For my own sanity and as a model to my family that we are to use our time for God's purposes and glory.
I don't want to become so inward focused that my family believes I am only here to cater to their needs, their entertainment, their desires. I am so much more that "Mom." And it's okay for me to feel that way. It's okay for me to want to pursue interests and ministries outside of my family. For some people, that's their only calling. That is wonderful and beautiful. But I believe God has asked me to spend time in other ways, as well. To use my education, training and experience to serve our church, to encourage other moms, and to invest in students or adults in ways that enable me to serve my family first and foremost, but that build up and equip the Kingdom of God, as well.
I'm still trying to figure out what that means. I may overcommit myself at times in trying to figure it out and I'll have to scale back. Because I am Mama, too. And I look forward to hearing that name out of the mouth of a precious little boy who I get to see each and every day as he learns and grows and digs himself deeper into my heart.
They grow up so quickly
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Today Soren and I went to lunch with my mom and then to Target because Mor Mor decided Soren needed a "big boy" toy (we came out with several). Soren sat in the cart by himself for the first time and it got me to thinking about how quickly he's growing up. This first year of life is so full of changes. I can't imagine Soren as the little baby he was when he was born. He's really becoming a little boy now, not so much a baby. It is a joy to watch him grow and change, to go from this little thing that cannot do more than eat and sleep to a little boy who can sit and roll and scoot himself around the floor. A little boy who can babble and bounce and bang things. A baby (for now) who lights up when I walk in the room and lights up our lives.
I happened to have our camera with me, so I took a picture of him sitting in the cart and wandered if I'd be doing this with all my kids. Probably not -- firstborns get all those pictures and memories that other kids don't.... But I will do my best to cherish these precious milestones of each of my kids.
Today Soren and I went to lunch with my mom and then to Target because Mor Mor decided Soren needed a "big boy" toy (we came out with several). Soren sat in the cart by himself for the first time and it got me to thinking about how quickly he's growing up. This first year of life is so full of changes. I can't imagine Soren as the little baby he was when he was born. He's really becoming a little boy now, not so much a baby. It is a joy to watch him grow and change, to go from this little thing that cannot do more than eat and sleep to a little boy who can sit and roll and scoot himself around the floor. A little boy who can babble and bounce and bang things. A baby (for now) who lights up when I walk in the room and lights up our lives.
I happened to have our camera with me, so I took a picture of him sitting in the cart and wandered if I'd be doing this with all my kids. Probably not -- firstborns get all those pictures and memories that other kids don't.... But I will do my best to cherish these precious milestones of each of my kids.
Remembering Dad
Written on June 21, 2009 on FB...
Whether he is old and grey when he leaves us or he is gone "before his time" it's always too soon. It's hard to say good-bye to the man who has always been there. Dads are special people. They love and teach us. They cheer and support us. They are the voice of reason and wisdom when we're faced with difficult choices. In the eyes of his children, Dad is a superhero who can do anything.
But, now he's gone and on Father's Day I am thinking of him and all that he was for me. As a baby, he held me. He was patient with me as a toddler when I wanted to "help" him with the yard work. He taught me how to ride my Strawberry Shortcake bike with no training wheels. He gave us the world by making us a tire swing, rope swing and tree house. As I started to drive he'd slip me $20s for gas or a night out with friends. He supported and encouraged me through college and was there to cheer me on when I graduated.
When I moved home after college, Dad and I would occasionally meet for lunch. They were special times for me where we could laugh and talk, just the two of us. He took time out of his work day and invited me to know more of his life as an adult daughter and I welcomed him more into mine. The week my dad died, he'd had a lunch date with me on his calendar. But even superhero dads are still human.
The last time I saw my dad was Father's Day, very briefly as I hugged him goodbye before leaving for a week with several high school students. I knew I would see him again the next week and we would celebrate his 50th birthday. But that's not what happened. So quickly, he was gone from our lives.
There are so many things that I always thought my dad would be a part of and his absence is felt deeply. My dad was not able to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. He was not able to watch as I graduated with my Master's degree and was ordained in ministry. He was not there to welcome his first grandchild to the world or to do for him all the wonderful things he did for me. And I don't get to see him become a grandpa.
He is missed. My dad was not perfect, but he taught me a great deal and was part of making me who I am today. I wish he was here to be honored today, but I know that he is living more fully and perfectly in heaven with his Heavely Father. And one day I will be with him again, maybe having lunch together, talking and laughing.
I love you, Dad.
Whether he is old and grey when he leaves us or he is gone "before his time" it's always too soon. It's hard to say good-bye to the man who has always been there. Dads are special people. They love and teach us. They cheer and support us. They are the voice of reason and wisdom when we're faced with difficult choices. In the eyes of his children, Dad is a superhero who can do anything.
But, now he's gone and on Father's Day I am thinking of him and all that he was for me. As a baby, he held me. He was patient with me as a toddler when I wanted to "help" him with the yard work. He taught me how to ride my Strawberry Shortcake bike with no training wheels. He gave us the world by making us a tire swing, rope swing and tree house. As I started to drive he'd slip me $20s for gas or a night out with friends. He supported and encouraged me through college and was there to cheer me on when I graduated.
When I moved home after college, Dad and I would occasionally meet for lunch. They were special times for me where we could laugh and talk, just the two of us. He took time out of his work day and invited me to know more of his life as an adult daughter and I welcomed him more into mine. The week my dad died, he'd had a lunch date with me on his calendar. But even superhero dads are still human.
The last time I saw my dad was Father's Day, very briefly as I hugged him goodbye before leaving for a week with several high school students. I knew I would see him again the next week and we would celebrate his 50th birthday. But that's not what happened. So quickly, he was gone from our lives.
There are so many things that I always thought my dad would be a part of and his absence is felt deeply. My dad was not able to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. He was not able to watch as I graduated with my Master's degree and was ordained in ministry. He was not there to welcome his first grandchild to the world or to do for him all the wonderful things he did for me. And I don't get to see him become a grandpa.
He is missed. My dad was not perfect, but he taught me a great deal and was part of making me who I am today. I wish he was here to be honored today, but I know that he is living more fully and perfectly in heaven with his Heavely Father. And one day I will be with him again, maybe having lunch together, talking and laughing.
I love you, Dad.
Relationships
Wednesday, November 1, 2006
I got an email from a former student and friend the other day. She was talking about friendships and how, in her stage of life, college, it is difficult at times to make the effort towards meaningful friendships because it will all come to an end. I was thinking about that, because I had just earlier been mourning the distance from my closest college friends. Time and geography have created a distance between us, that is true. And yet I don't know if I would have survived college without those dear friends of mine.
They became my lifeline, my family, while I was away from home. We shared deep thoughts, we shared life-changing experience, we became adults together. Even if I had foreseen ahead of time the distance we would now have between us, I would make those friends. My friend's email asked, "What's the point?" I think the point is we need relationships. The reality is that people will always come and go from our lives (and many also stay). But those valuable friendships remain valuable for what was given and received, what was learned, what was experienced together.
I miss my friends. I miss the deepness of relationships that I had in college. I think those relationships are the significant reason so many people look back on college as the best time of their life. I cherish those friends and mourn the closeness we used to have. But I'm glad we had it, and it is a joy when we do have the chance to talk or even better, to see each other.
I have just been reading an article about MySpace.com and other social networking websites. The article contends that one problem with these sites is lazy relationality it promotes. Teens don't want to do the hard work of sitting face to face in real, quality relationships. There is little authenticity, as kids portray themselves not as they are. One teenage girl was even quoted as saying that she prefers that to calling them because she usually just wants to leave a message, since there isn't usually enough to say for a whole conversation. What is that?
We were made for relationships, with God and with other people. We need them and we need them to be meaningful.
I got an email from a former student and friend the other day. She was talking about friendships and how, in her stage of life, college, it is difficult at times to make the effort towards meaningful friendships because it will all come to an end. I was thinking about that, because I had just earlier been mourning the distance from my closest college friends. Time and geography have created a distance between us, that is true. And yet I don't know if I would have survived college without those dear friends of mine.
They became my lifeline, my family, while I was away from home. We shared deep thoughts, we shared life-changing experience, we became adults together. Even if I had foreseen ahead of time the distance we would now have between us, I would make those friends. My friend's email asked, "What's the point?" I think the point is we need relationships. The reality is that people will always come and go from our lives (and many also stay). But those valuable friendships remain valuable for what was given and received, what was learned, what was experienced together.
I miss my friends. I miss the deepness of relationships that I had in college. I think those relationships are the significant reason so many people look back on college as the best time of their life. I cherish those friends and mourn the closeness we used to have. But I'm glad we had it, and it is a joy when we do have the chance to talk or even better, to see each other.
I have just been reading an article about MySpace.com and other social networking websites. The article contends that one problem with these sites is lazy relationality it promotes. Teens don't want to do the hard work of sitting face to face in real, quality relationships. There is little authenticity, as kids portray themselves not as they are. One teenage girl was even quoted as saying that she prefers that to calling them because she usually just wants to leave a message, since there isn't usually enough to say for a whole conversation. What is that?
We were made for relationships, with God and with other people. We need them and we need them to be meaningful.
Purpose
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Tomorrow Erich and I are leaving for New York to visit his brothers and his family -- our nephews!!!! We get to see Kaleb for the first time since he was born, about a month ago. And Connor's birthday was last week, so it's the perfect time for us to go.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about purpose in life. I have experienced several life changes over the last few months, finishing grad school, getting married, moving and finally I am no longer working full-time but 3/4-time. This last change has left me with a lot more free time than I have had in a long time and in many ways I am enjoying it. But the time has also left me feeling empy and devoid of purpose. I was designed for more productivity, more purposeful action than watching tv or reading for several hours a day. So I've been pursuing what it measnt o have purupose -- is redecorating my house enough productivity? Or developing a hobby for cooking? Or will I find my purpose in a new job or a volunteer opportunity?
I've been left with a lot of unanswered questions that I will continue to seek answers for........
Tomorrow Erich and I are leaving for New York to visit his brothers and his family -- our nephews!!!! We get to see Kaleb for the first time since he was born, about a month ago. And Connor's birthday was last week, so it's the perfect time for us to go.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about purpose in life. I have experienced several life changes over the last few months, finishing grad school, getting married, moving and finally I am no longer working full-time but 3/4-time. This last change has left me with a lot more free time than I have had in a long time and in many ways I am enjoying it. But the time has also left me feeling empy and devoid of purpose. I was designed for more productivity, more purposeful action than watching tv or reading for several hours a day. So I've been pursuing what it measnt o have purupose -- is redecorating my house enough productivity? Or developing a hobby for cooking? Or will I find my purpose in a new job or a volunteer opportunity?
I've been left with a lot of unanswered questions that I will continue to seek answers for........
Getting Started
Monday, August 28, 2006
I was surfing the internet the other day and decided that it was high time I start a blog. I type faster than I write and just want a place where I can work out some of my thoughts as I explore new ideas and continue on my journey of faith in Jesus Christ. I want to write about life, theology, doubt, and just generally what my daily experiences draw me to process.
I recently got married, so right now all the pictures I have are wedding pictures. Maybe some day I'll have a bigger variety of pics to show!
I was surfing the internet the other day and decided that it was high time I start a blog. I type faster than I write and just want a place where I can work out some of my thoughts as I explore new ideas and continue on my journey of faith in Jesus Christ. I want to write about life, theology, doubt, and just generally what my daily experiences draw me to process.
I recently got married, so right now all the pictures I have are wedding pictures. Maybe some day I'll have a bigger variety of pics to show!
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