What's in a Name?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Lately, I've been really struggling with the routine of being a stay-at-home-mom. Wake up. Feed baby. Play until nap time (or go back to sleep if I'm lucky enough to have Erich at home long enough to get him down again). Eat breakfast. Chores. Baby up. Play. Feed baby. Chase baby (he's crawling now!). Nap time. Eat lunch. Empty dishwasher if I have time. Baby up. Play. Feed baby. Play. Nap. Feed baby.

Some days I wonder -- is there more to life than the routine of feeding and napping a baby? Some days, I enjoy the relaxation of nap time by reading a book or napping myself. Others, I force myself to get to the inch-thick layer of dust on the furniture or take a vaccuum to the carpet or do the dishes... again.

Don't get me wrong. I love Soren and I love that I am blessed enough to be able to stay home with him, to go to Storytime at the library or ECFE classes. It is a joy and a privilage. But there are days when I become frustrated that my big accomplishment is one of the above named household chores -- and it will need to be done again within days. I wonder about the greater purpose or try to figure out "what I'm supposed to do with my life."

More than once, well-meaning people have said, "Your family is your ministry (or purpose or focus) in this stage of your life." It's meant to encourage me. And yes, I agree that is my primary area of ministry of ministry and focus. But God wired and gifted me for other things, too, and I believe He wants me to always be searching for ways to invest in other people, as well. I have known many (usually stay-at-home) moms who have become so self- and even more kid-focused that it becomes a negative attribute. My family is my ministry, but I also need to use the gifts and talents God has given me. For my own sanity and as a model to my family that we are to use our time for God's purposes and glory.

I don't want to become so inward focused that my family believes I am only here to cater to their needs, their entertainment, their desires. I am so much more that "Mom." And it's okay for me to feel that way. It's okay for me to want to pursue interests and ministries outside of my family. For some people, that's their only calling. That is wonderful and beautiful. But I believe God has asked me to spend time in other ways, as well. To use my education, training and experience to serve our church, to encourage other moms, and to invest in students or adults in ways that enable me to serve my family first and foremost, but that build up and equip the Kingdom of God, as well.

I'm still trying to figure out what that means. I may overcommit myself at times in trying to figure it out and I'll have to scale back. Because I am Mama, too. And I look forward to hearing that name out of the mouth of a precious little boy who I get to see each and every day as he learns and grows and digs himself deeper into my heart.