Metamorphosis

Those who know me well can tell you that I "tend" towards type-A on the spectrum. I like things done a certain way, looking a certain way, organized a certain way. I hate being late. I am generally pretty neat and start to get a little stressed out when things are unorganized for too long. And I struggle to accept that something done another way is not "wrong." While these things hold true, I've begun detecting just the slightest shift in this personality of mine.

I read again the other night the quote we have on Soren's wall. "Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it." And it served as a reminder to me, which was a big part of why I chose it. Kids, and I think especially boys, will mess up your life. I have tripped on my share of toys in my once tidy living room. I don't get (or have the energy) to clean as often as I'd like and the layers of dust at times drive me crazy, as does the constant shedding of dog hair (that one I clean more often). I'm amazed at how messy a kid can get at breakfast, lunch AND dinner. And now I'm more often late than early.

But this mess in my life isn't all bad, because that's the reason for this shift of personality. Parenting a toddler has helped me learn to relax a little bit. Organization is still crucial to me surviving day to day, but I can overlook a dusty table in order to play with trucks or a dishwasher full of clean dishes to build. I can take an extra five minutes to feed the dog because my little helper wants to do it. Sometimes, I can even overlook a little dog hair because Soren insists on doing the sweeping. (Though not often, so usually the sweeping happens during nap time.) And I hope in these choices that I am helping my little boy learn the value of people over tasks, understand that he is capable and helpful and that while being organized is helpful and efficient, sometimes a mess can wait while a accept a hug or spend time reading with family.

I know there are many other messes of varying kinds to look forward to in the years to come and I pray that these baby steps I'm taking to be more flexible and adaptable at this stage will help me in the times when these messes are bigger or more complicated. When my kid is hurting and I can't make it better. When my kid gets into a mess and I have to help pick up the pieces. Hopefully the lessons we're both learning now: for Soren that he is capable, valuable and loved and for me that people are always more important to me than tasks, hopefully these will serve us as we journey together.

As I read the words on Soren's wall, it served as a little gut check for myself that kids will be kids, they'll get messy and that my house and my life won't be as neat and tidy as it was before. And as I stood in that room, holding my little boy over the bulge of my coming boy, I knew in my heart that I wouldn't want it any other way.