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More Than We Can Handle

I often hear the comment, "God only gives us what we can handle" used to encourage people going through difficult times or dealing with a difficult child or stressful circumstances. I've probably said it myself more than once. I always thought of it as a paraphrase of Paul's statement to the Philippians, "I can do all things through Christ...". But as I heard that said a couple of times recently I realized just how inaccurate that statement is. For a Christ-follower, to believe that is to miss the truth. That's why this statement is so powerful: it sounds like truth and is almost true.

But real, Biblical Truth is that we cannot handle anything. Unless we are dependent on God, we miss out on the joy, the freedom, the encouragement that He promises. Sure, people accomplish things without God. People live successful lives, handle difficult circumstances. But something is missing. And for a Christ-follower, that something is everything. Because to say "God only give me what I can handle" makes it about me. It says, "I see God as a distant, uninvolved being who directs things and sits back to watch." It is to neglect the Truth from God's Word that He is actively involved in our daily lives and WANTS us to depend on Him. What Paul's letter states is, "I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH. On our own, we can handle nothing; it is through our dependence on Him that we are given SALVATION, HOPE for the future, ABUNDANT patience with our children, PEACE in the midst of difficulty, CLARITY and PURPOSE in our decisions. Sure, some of these things we can "handle" but those qualities that are capitalized are missing -- the abundant life Jesus promises His disciples.

It is so easy to use platitudes that sound good and encouraging. I've been challenged to really think through these sayings and make sure what I say conveys full Truth and not partial truth or what sounds good. I hope you are encouraged as well!

A Little Bit Different

This year Soren turned three and we decided to do our first "friend party" to celebrate. But the idea of keeping up with the Jones' to in the party department was overwhelming to me, especially at this age. So we did a "play date" instead. Even that was hard, because as I listed the friends Soren has, there were more than 10 -- what I thought would be a ridiculous number of toddlers to have for a 3rd birthday. So we choose a small list for our playdate and kept it to a couple hours with a simple autumn craft the kids took home and some cupcakes.

Soren had a great time and I wasn't stressed about it. And also important to me: we didn't break the bank. We have chosen to do things a little bit different. Also this weekend, Soren was invited to another 3 year-old party. I wasn't there, but he had an awesome time and came home with a terrific favor bag. The party had a theme with adorable handmade invites, themed treats, and more. It was the kind of party I've seen lots of friends put on. I've seen an amazing carnival party. A campout party. And just saw a little girl's Alice In Wonderland tea party with amazing decorations, themed food, Queen of Hearts croquet. I have an acquaintance who performs at princess parties. I look on with jealous admiration for these parties; the craftiness, the creativity and the energy that people put in to the birthday parties. I'd love to be a kid at one of these birthday parties.

But I know my limits, and while I love hosting and having an open home, we have chosen to do things a little differently. We know our limits financially, physically and creatively. We have chosen to teach our kids contentment and use their birthdays as part of that. We still want birthdays to be fun and we want kids to have a great time. We have made an intentional decision to focus our energy on enjoying the celebration rather than stressing about the details, and this first effort was, we think, fun for all. Even me.

Naughty

Sometimes, a three-year-old is naughty. Sometimes, naughty is frustrating, stressful, and makes a parent angry and ready to pull hair out. But sometimes, naughty takes pressing your lips together to keep from smiling and laughing because naughty is funny and cute, shows off their smarts or their sense of humor.

I've been teaching about naughty and how it's a "wrong thing" and how wrong things can hurt or make other people sad. We talk about making God sad when we do wrong things. But today I wondered, if sometimes it's hard for me not to laugh at naughty, does God sometimes just want to laugh when we're naughty?

I Don't Have Boys

Last week I dropped my little big guy at a friend's house with her daughter of the same age. This was the first time I'd dropped him off for a play date without me, because I was taking the babe to an appointment. When I returned about an hour later I was greeted at the door with a huge, "Whew!" My heart sank to my stomach thinking something had gone wrong. Her response was, "No problems. I don't have boys!"

It was so funny to think about that. Other people who have older girls have commented to me about how different it is to play with my two boys. So this has had me thinking how differently my boys play. It has highlighted their energy, the "wildness" of their play. Today, while the boys were running and screaming and climbing all over me, I remembered what my friend said. When we had some kids over and kids were jumping on the bed, I was the only mom who didn't really care. I would have never believed it of myself, but I let my boys jump on the bed (but only the bed). My boys take out just about every toy every day, and the mess stays there until the end of the day (it's not worth my energy to pick up multiple times or battle putting one toy away before the next one.

There is pounding, banging, running and crazy chaos every day. My three year old is rough and tumble, he is active and noisy; I'm sure little brother will follow in those footsteps. But we also have wonderful quiet moments in between when we read and cuddle, do puzzles and color. I'm tired every night, but I love the energy, I love the pure joy. I love my rough tumble boys, whether the moment is calm or or loud and crazy.

As a world mourned

Within days of the news of Steve Jobs' death, I heard two people reflect on his memorable commencement speech at Stanford. I was intrigued by the portion that was referenced and it challenged my thinking. Both of these people referenced the same portion of his speech, although they focused on different aspects and were portraying it in different lights (one positive, one slightly negative).

I am no techy and I use very few of the products that Steve Jobs has created, but I have great respect for his intellect and innovations in technology. But I was struck by an untruth in this famous speech that can easily be glossed over because it can seem so obviously true. Even though both people I heard are followers of Christ, neither one of them pointed out what to me was the most obvious thing to point out. Below is the portion of the speech given by Jobs:

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but some day not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And, most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

The first time I heard about the speech, the guy was reflecting on the second paragraph and focusing on the challenge of living our own life, not someone else's -- a positive message in a society that often pressures us to pursue specific priorities and definitions of success.

The next reflection I heard pointed out the error in thinking that our inner voice, heart and mind can lead us separate from the Truth of God. This is an error wide-spread in our world today.

But still, once significant untruth has been missed. While Steve's words are poignant and powerful, he gets one thing very wrong when speaking of death, for he says, "no one has ever escaped it." But the fact is, One person HAS escaped death, Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus died a horrible death, but then He was raised up by the power of God and He ascended to heaven very much alive.

Jesus Christ is the one human who has experienced victory over death and that means everything. It means we can have a relationship with a living God, not a dead one. It means God has power over the one thing that seems so very powerful to us, and it means that not only is my death transformed, but my living -- it is because of Jesus that I can live out the challenge of Steve Jobs' speech, to not waste my life trying to live someone else's life, but the life God created me to live.

Boredom Is An Emergency

Last week I heard a high school guy make the statement, "Boredom is an emergency." It was a funny line and meant to be funny. But the more I thought about that, the more I realized how true that sentiment is in our culture. Children really believe that boredom is an emergency and parents or other adults are supposed to be the first responders, the cruise directors who have an unending schedule of activities. In the minds of these kids, it is the job of other people to entertain them, to fill each moment for them. If the ball drops and boredom occurs, they have no idea how to engage themselves unless it involves electronics.

As parents today, we have dropped the ball in other ways. We have helped create this mentality in our children. With the plethora of good activities available to families, we have developed kids who need to be entertained because they do not know how to do it for themselves as we fill their days. Gone is the ability to be creative, to make one's own fun, to use imagination. And I think that puts our kids at a disadvantage.

It's my hope that my kids will be able to create their own fun beyond the age of two. I know it sounds nearly medieval now, but I want to be video game system free in our home as long as possible. I want my kids to be bored sometimes and to be able to figure out how to be entertained on their own. I will choose our activities carefully, so we have unscheduled time as a family. I'm not sure what that will always mean or look like for us, but I know that I don't want my kids saying, "Boredom is an emergency."

That Back to School Time of Year

We mark Mattias' ninth month with us this week. It seems as if the months are just breezing by. My tiny newborn is now a big, smiley infant who is busy all the time crawling around the house, trying new foods and exploring everything he can get his hands on. This little guy is much busier than his big brother was at this age and as he watches that brother climb and run and jump all over, with a big, sweet, grin on his face, I know I'm going to be in trouble in a matter of months. He's already chasing after him with the pitter patter of little hands and knees.

My little Tias is such a gift and when days feel long I remind myself to enjoy the moment (and I usually do). Because even in the midst of that long day, I realize that I have no idea what happened to these last 6 (I mean 9 -- yes I first started this when he was 6) months and I want to cherish every bit of my baby's growing up.

While I have had days when all I wanted to do was get out of the house, as we saw the buses carrying kids back to school today, I am longing for more days before our schedule starts up. I'm not looking forward to having to get everyone ready and out the door at 8:30am, when some days the boys have stayed playing in their jammies until lunch time. I've enjoyed quiet moments with both boys while the other one is sleeping and lunch that we have plenty of time to make and enjoy, instead of having to choke it down to start a nap on time.

I've always loved fall and the whole back to school thing. But this year, the lazy, hazy days of summer were quite a treat. And really, we're only busy two mornings a week and they are things we all love! But that means I'm even less interested in doing things those other days. Yet I feel like there are playdates we never got to, trips to the museum I want to take, going to the zoo before it's cold, fall fun to be had.

But whether we do all those things or we stay home for quiet mornings and days, most of all I want to be able to see my boys grow and change, help them learn and see God at work in my life and theirs' and enjoy these early years before they are gone. I know soon enough, that back to school time of year will mean new backpacks and pictures at school bus stops. But for now, we'll be home in our jammies until lunch time.

A Whole New World

We found out a week and a half ago that Mattias has food allergies to dairy, peanut,and egg. While it's possible that he will outgrow any or all of these allergies, I have gone through some moments of significant stress and a sense of loss as I have processed the news.

Dairy products and eggs are in a LOT of foods we eat. I am having to follow a diet free of these foods while breastfeeding Mattias, so even though he isn't eating much yet, I am reading labels and researching alternatives for myself and learning first hand what it will be like for us. I have already lost several pounds as I try to figure out what I can and can't eat and worry about my (and therefore Mattias') nutritional intake. It's stressful to come to the realization that there are times I may need to provide two meal options, send M to birthday parties with special cake or pack a meal to take to a restaurant or group gathering.

And while Mattias, if he must avoid these foods his whole life, will never know what he's missing, I certainly know how much better real cheese tastes than soy cheese. I am grieving the loss of my current obsession: a croissant slathered in Nutella. I am missing the creamy taste or whole milk in my coffee, since soy milk masks the flavor of my new favorite blend. I have lost out on these things, but I can tell myself it's only temporary.

Even more, I am coming to realize the kinds of things we (or just Mattias in some cases) will miss out on: Swedish pancakes and egg bake at the cabin, Eastlund brownies, cheesy potatoes, family pizza nights, eating at a restaurant that's supposed to make it easier, trips out for ice cream, even buttered popcorn. My heart sinks as I face this new reality of having to be careful about what we eat, asking questions if we're out, planning ahead if we go somewhere, reading labels and everything that comes with these allergies. I am sad for Mattias that he may never get to enjoy these things I love and that our family may miss out on because we cannot all do it together. Family pizza night just doesn't feel the same if one of us must eat something else.

As I have processed the change in our family, I realize that we have entered a new experience, one that is completely unfamiliar to me. I have come to accept our reality and have peace about it, because I know that despite the things we will miss out on and how our family will have to adjust, God has a purpose. God created Mattias perfectly how He wants him to be and I can trust Him to do everything for Mattias' good. And even though it is stressful and new and scary, my good and sovereign God is with us in this while new world.

Hello Old Friend, It's Been Awhile

I have intended several times to sit down and write a blog entry. I cannot believe that 4 months have gone by before I've made the time to put my thoughts, experience, joys or heartaches to the "page." So much has happened in the world at large and in the little world of my SAHM bubble.

Osama Bin Laden was killed and while I am proud of the accomplishment of our military, I grieved at the reaction of so many Christ-followers who appeared filled with glee at the eternal lostness of this man. I wrestled with my own feelings and impressions, I wrestled with the response of others, I turned to God through Scripture and prayer. I believe with caution that it is okay for me to feel relief that the evil this man committed on earth has been vindicated and relief that he can personally do no more harm, but I am also deeply grieved that this man will eternally face a suffering and horror that we cannot comprehend when there was a gracious God waiting to offer Him so much more.

Our economy is slumping lower than it has in a decade and people are suffering, yet I am feeling very little of the effects personally. When the Minnesota government shutdown, my own life was only impacted once when I couldn't take the carpool lane to the Children's Museum; I read from one of the rooms of the tentative agreement to end the shutdown. Yet I know many families suffered weeks with no paychecks and even greater sacrifices and I thank God for my own experience and seek wisdom about how to respond in these economic times.

Mattias went from rolling over to crawling and only then to sitting. He wanted so much to keep up with his big brother and all the activity in the house that he wouldn't sit still! It is so much fun to hear the pat, pat of his hands as he heads down the hallway or around the corner to find the action. His persistence is amazing to me; the last few days I have watched with a smile on my face as Soren races up and down the hallway and living room pushing a dumptruck and Mattias tries desperately to keep up, all with a happy attitude. What a trooper! And of course he learned to sit on his own and got better at crawling while I was away. They like to do that!

Soren fills me heart with joy. He is so intelligent and thoughtful. Yesterday, he was carrying around to metal rods that go to the bassinet in the pack n play. He told me he was carrying a cross. I asked if he knew who else carried a cross, not expecting much, when he said, "MMm,Hmm. Jesus." Oh, how that fills a mommy's heart with joy! I followed up wondering if he knew WHY Jesus carried the cross. "Because He wanted to." (Now, while theologically correct, Soren also wanted to be carrying a cross so I don't pretend that Soren understands the depth of this truth.) Then, today I witnessed as him, once again, giving his little brother his comforting presence if I needed to go around the corner or if Mattias seemed to need some comfort.

I have spent some of my free time reading the blogs of other moms and realized that I have some thoughts to give as well. I don't want to sermonize or lecture, but I think that some of my postings will change from reflection on my own life experiences or faith learnings to a more application approach. I think reflection should naturally lead to deeper application and I hope to push myself to apply these things I'm learning more intentionally in my own life and parenting going forward and I hope to encourage other moms (and others) to do the same.

It's nice to be back and I hope to share more in the future. There's "so much to say, and so little time to say it" but I hope to get back on the blogging bandwagon again soon. Provided Mattias stops suffering from his little teeth and I have some energy to process a day and a thought!

Ripping the Band-aid

Last week we said good-bye to our sweet dog Marley. He is happily settling in to a new home with our vet as we gave him up after 4 years with us. Over the last two years, Erich and I have had many conversations about having our dog and with two kids at home now, it was increasingly difficult for us to devote the time or attention to Marley that he wanted and we felt he deserved. I was frequently stressed about the additional mess that muddy dog feet and loads of dog hair add to my stay-at-home-mom life and it was always complicated to make arrangements for Marley if we were going out of town.

But Marley is one of the nicest dogs. Happy, sweet. He loves people and was great with kids -- ours and those that came over. He is smart and obedient. He was part of our family. How can we just give him up -- or give up on him?

Two months ago we had to take Marley in for some extensive veterinary care. As a result of the time with him, our vet asked if we would ever consider selling him. To me, it seemed like a perfect solution. Erich was more reticent and the more serious our conversations became, I had a hard time balancing the emotions with the logic. We wrestled and talked to people and even prayed about our decision.

So, we nervously explained to Soren that Marley was going to live somewhere else. We know that this is the best decision for our family at this point in our lives and that to wait much longer would make it harder on Soren and Mattias if he was old enough. We said our good-byes, we took some pictures of Marley with his boys. We called our vet and brought Marley to him.

I miss Marley everyday. I enjoy the peacefulness of our house and the absence of dog hair, a dirty towel at the back door for paws and the water bowl that was often a toy and boy hazard. But I miss the sweet face with loving brown eyes, the hysterical giggles of Soren watching him run in the backyard, the (usually obnoxious, I remind myself) presence of our canine companion.

I thought it would be like ripping a band-aid where it hurts for minute and then it's done. But it's also a loss for us and I realize that now. Our home is more peaceful and our lives a little easier. Marley is doing well and getting some of the attention and spoiling that he didn't get from us. It is a good thing. But my hurt is a little deeper than ripping a band-aid.

As for me and my house

We dedicated sweet Mattias to the Lord two days ago. We committed before our church family to raise Mattias to know God, to teach him the both the laws and the love of God, ton introduce him to the Jesus who loves him with such matchless love, to follow God ourselves in such a way as to model a life of faith. Pastor Joel used Joshua 24 to challenge us as parents. As Joel said, in this passage, Joshua drew a line in the sand and challenged the Israelites to choose who they would follow. It was a big event in his life, as he said in verse 15 "But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." But as Joel said, it is not just a big event, but a daily choice.

It is a daily choice that we, as Christ-followers and as parents, must make every day. What was so meaningful to me was that so much of what was said fell right in line with what God has been showing me for the last several weeks: everything I do is in service to my God, first. When I serve Mattias (and Soren) it is in service to God. This idea was also part of the sermon that morning and has been a constant theme in Isaiah as I have studied it this year.

I have been reminded again and again of many things this year: 1. God has called me to be a stay-at-home-mom and wife for this period of my life, 2. God will empower and uphold me to fulfill this wonderful and challenging call, 3. I need to daily seek and submit to God, relying on Him for the patience, energy and wisdom to meet the demands of my calling and to deepen my relationship with God.

This perspective on my role has deepened my joy in living the calling God has given me. There are times when it is very difficult for me to be a stay-at-home-mom, when I get so mired in the daily tasks that I lose sight of the greater, grander purpose of what I'm doing. I lose sight of the fact that I do laundry in service to the Lord, that I clean toilets in service to the Lord, that I ready stories and play trains in service to the Lord. Both the mundane and the exciting are part of my calling and my service to the Lord. All of this is because Erich and I have made the choice to say, "as for me and my house, we will serve Lord."

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

At church yesterday we had a hymn sing, so the songs we sang were some of the great old hymns, accompanied by the organ (and other instruments) which I LOVE. One of the hymns we sang was a favorite of mine, Great Is Thy Faithfulness. I love this hymn for the power of the promises in the lyrics, the truth of God's faithfulness. I love it because it reminds me of my Gramps who loved it as well. And I love it because I have personally experienced the greatness of God's faithfulness even in the midst of difficult circumstances, like my Dad's unexpected death or "lesser events" like a scary health diagnosis for a family member, an "unexpected" and voluntary exit from a beloved job, the daily blessings.

Every time I sing this hymn I get choked up as I reflect on God's faithfulness to His people in Scripture and in my own life. And yesterday was no exception. I had a recent personal experience with God's faithful protection as Saturday I was too slow to stop a bad fall for Soren that resulted in a good hard knock on the head. Head bumps scare me, especially after real-life "examples" of the seriousness of head injuries, like Natasha Richardson. The fact that someone can seem fine and have a life-ending injury is scary.

Head bumps are also a fact of life in toddlerhood, or so I hear and hope or I'm just a horrible parent. So they happen and they are scary. But Soren was okay after his and I was thankful. And then, singing that hymn yesterday, I was overcome with thankfulness that God has been faithful to protect Soren each time he's fallen in his two years and that in His wisdom He designed baby and toddler heads and bodies in such a way that they can absorb the impact of these falls so much better than adult bodies. My little boy is a gift that has been given to me for a period of time that only God knows. God knows each day, each fall, each hair on that boy's head and He is faithful to protect Him in each of those falls, for every single day that Soren is given. He does the same for me, for Erich and now Mattias, my other gift.

All I can do is hold on to the Truth, for great IS Thy faithfulness God.

Snuggle

I spent a couple days in bed last week. I was more sick than I had been in a LOOOONG time (read: elementary school). The first morning I was sick, I got up briefly in the morning and Soren wanted me to do Play-doh with him, but I felt so bad I explained to him that I needed to go back to bed. He told me he wanted to come with me, which I begrudgingly accepted. Soren doesn't rest when he comes in our bed. He climbs all over, plays, looks out the window; I wasn't feeling up to that.

But this time was different, he told me he wanted to get under the covers with me, so I lifted them up and invited him under. He talked about how cozy it was. And then came the best part: he said, "Snuggle." My heart leaped! I had longed to snuggle with my busy, wiggly boy. Despite my sickly-ness, I drew him close (being careful not to breathe on him). I rested my chin on his head and enjoyed as he reached up his toddler hand to caress my face, rub my arm and nestle closer under the covers. I made a point to fully enjoy those few moments.

Later (and because I'm writing this several days after the fact I don't remember what sparked the connection) it dawned on me that God longs to hear that same desire from me! God is a personal God who wants a relationship with His children. I know in my head that God is not just a wish-granter or a chess master moving pawns or a disinterested "Power". But sometimes it takes moments of flash insight to really understand in my heart and being that I am at times like a busy, wiggly toddler always going, trying to check off my To Do list, even spending time with God, but He and I need moments of quiet rest where I just snuggle in close to His heart. God created me to enjoy Him, to enjoy being with Him, just looking at Him, learning and remembering Who He is and how much He loves me, how He wants to spend time with me, too.

Because just as I loved those brief, precious, still moments snuggling with Soren, God loves to snuggle with me, too. Lucky me!

Soar, Not Plod

I am studying Isaiah in Bible Study Fellowship this year. It has been so good for me to have regular time to read Scripture and think through what it says and what that means for my life. Sometimes however, I focus more on getting the questions answered for our group discussion than on what God wants me to do or how to apply these things to my own daily life. But two weeks ago (yes, it's taken me that long to find time to write these thoughts) there were some incredibly insightful comments shared during our discussion that included Isaiah 40:31:
"...but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

One woman mentioned how she had been praying this to be true in her own life and it struck me -- "Of course!" I should be praying this passage of Scripture for myself (and Erich) as we are weary from day to day activities and caring for a newborn who doesn't sleep in the evening. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it myself as I read through that familiar passage. But I began applying that insight to my life and I would lift up a brief prayer when I was tired or weary or impatient with my children or the never-ending, oft-repeated chores of the household. And I prayed the Scripture, inserting my name in place of "they" in the last three lines. This was the power of those prayers: as I began to accept the truth of them, that God will uphold me, refresh me and energize me when I come to Him.

These verses and that prayer became even more refreshing and powerful as I reflected on another insight shared by a woman who said, "I want to soar, not plod!" Oh, how true that is for all of us! And how easy it is to plod, instead of soar. The imagery here is so majestic -- to soar like the eagles! It makes me think of lofty heights to be attained, great things to be accomplished, inspiring goals to be reached. God will uphold us as we seek to do that. But that one comment also changed my whole attitude about my day to day. I'm not attaining great heights of business deals, an inspiring sermon to preach, a cure for a disease, the next big ad campaign. But even as I unload the day's clean dishes, sort or fold laundry, change ANOTHER diaper, muster the energy for ANOTHER round of hide and seek -- even in these mundane things God will enable me to SOAR, not plod. Instead of trudging through my day, I am able now to see it in the majestic terms of the eagle. It doesn't have to be drudgery just because one day seems to roll unchanging into the next. And when it feels that way, God will renew my strength and keep me from growing faint when I wait and hope in Him and ask for his never-ending strength.

And it is THAT power, THAT hope, which helps me to SOAR!

Spring Cleaning

It's naptime and I'm watching the light snow fall, as it has most of the day. The furthest thing from most MN minds is spring. Actually, it might be the CLOSEST thing on our minds, but still pretty far away. But yesterday I was "inspired" to share a little about the spring cleaning of the soul that I have been seeking to do lately. And it involves my house, too.

I have read and heard more and more people talk about downsizing their "stuff." There are a lot of reasons they do it - sell it to make money; fewer things to take care of, maintain, dust; an attempt to simplify life; a concerted effort to focus less on things and more on contentment. Some people share my spiritual faith and are doing it as an act of obedience or discipline for God, so they can experience greater closeness to Him. Some are doing it for themselves. But the benefits and outcomes they all share have made sense to me and resonate with me. In my pregnancy nesting, I began to shed some of these attachments, some out of necessity to make room for Baby 'Tias and some to make life easier when I have limited time to clean and some for that age-old search for contentment.

This weekend, that desire to pare down our stuff hit again and I realized anew the spiritual benefits for our family and myself if we can shed some of this stuff. Our culture tells us more, new, better and what's new or better is constantly changing. It is easy for me to get drawn into that mentality and that breeds discontent. I look at our house, trying to make room for the growing number of toys, books, and gear of a growing family, and realize how our stuff can begin to take over and take ownership of me when I let it.

I'm tired of trying to find places for everything and keep everything in it's place and free of dust, clutter, etc. I feel as though it has taken over my life and I want to make a change. I want my heart and my time to be set on bigger things, heavenly things. I want to have time to train up my children in the Way they should go, not spend my hours dusting and sweeping. And so I have set my mind to get serious about getting rid of things.

I have done several dumps and purges over time, giving away gently used household items, knick knacks and clothes on a regular basis. But I've determined that it is time to really get serious, to finally get rid of some of the stuff that we've been meaning to (like the previous owners old paint they kindly left, our own old paint, giant old computer monitors) as well as the stuff that I keep around thinking I might want it, use it or wear it at some point down the road. This stuff is stifling me and it is preventing me attaching myself to Christ, because I am attached to it.

I believe that if I can part with some of my material possessions, Christ will be able to take greater possession of my heart and my character, which is what I want. When I am not tied to the care and cleaning and organizing of so much stuff I can be more tied to the care, training and teaching of myself and my children, and the Holy Spirit can do a greater work in me because I have more time, energy and devotion for the things that matter to me and not the things that consume my house. If I can complete this spring cleaning of my house, it will affect my soul and spirit. I will be better able to turn my attention to Him and His desires...and it is that to which I am called through His Word and Work.

The Next Stage

Over the last few weeks, I have noticed a change in Soren. And I'm not just talking about becoming a big brother. He has entered a new stage in his own right -- interactive and imaginary play. It is so fun to watch him enter this phase, to hear him scripting out his play based on books we've read, the Bob the Builder and Thomas the Train movies we've watched. Even when it's at the dinner table playing with his food, it's hard not to smile and indulge while he plays out a scene with actions and dialogue that he has heard or created.

Soren has become more independent in his play with this change and it is so much fun to sit on the couch with Mattias and watch Soren use his tow trucks to rescue the truck stuck in the mud, to hear as the trains greet each other and ask how they're doing or go up and down the mountain of the couch cushions. The noise of his hammer pounding on the sturdy plastic of his slide is made more bearable by the sounds of his sweet voice as he imagines himself building, "Oh, I missed a nail." or "I better go build." He is even starting to use the (toy) cell phone he got for Christmas to speak -- "Hello, this is Soren. I'm very busy...doing my job." which is said after informing me, "It's ringing, I better go answer it." It all just melts my heart!

Despite the lack of a playmate at home, Soren has found one in Marley, or as he calls him, "Barley." Soren has started to dialogue with Marley and interact with him, sometimes in doggie appropriate ways like throwing a ball for him and then asking him to drop it so he can throw it again. But also as though Marley is his friend and capable of responding to him, "Where should we go, Barley?" "Come with Soren, Barley." "What should be do, Barley?" I love watching Soren interact with our dog and though often when he's with other kids I am not around, I know that means he has reached a stage where his play is becoming more interactive and will involve other people.

This little boy was still so much my baby 4 weeks ago, and yet along with the addition of a new baby in the family, these weeks have brought about so much growth in my oldest son. Everything about him is bigger, wiser, more "grown up" than a month ago. He is a charming, active, intelligent little boy who is learning yet another way to explore and interact with his world and it is a bittersweet pleasure for me to watch him as he does.

Smile

Yesterday as I sat holding Tias (wishing he'd sleep so I could put him down and do the same), I was trying to be very intentional about enjoying that moment with just him. Soren was down for his nap and though I wanted one too, I decided it was important to take the time to stop and enjoy this time with my baby, rather than wishing it away. What I received in return for this was a big, toothless grin from my little guy that seemed so genuine and so appropriately timed that I am choosing to believe that it was a fledgling effort to interact with his world and not just gas.

As time passes and a baby grows and changes it is so easy to forget the miracle that we witness in a baby -- life itself. And to watch as these tiny beings, so needy and dependent, learn about their world and how to interact with it through their quiet observations. I was talking with some other moms yesterday morning about how easy it is when I am stressed out to wish this time away, wishing for a little more independence in my boys or even when we're having a good moment, looking forward to when.... I know these days, weeks and years will go by SO fast and so I am trying to choose each day to live in the present reality, to focus on and cherish the moments with which God is blessing me on THIS day. And yesterday I was rewarded in a most precious way for this effort, by a first smile as I sat cuddling and savoring a fleeting stage of life with my newborn.

Thank you, God, for the reminder.

Mother of Two

2. The number of children I have the task of mother. 2. The number of minutes it took to figure out the chaos we were welcoming into our home by going from one child to two. Life is sure different when your family expands from one child to two. It now takes me a minimum of 30 minutes to go from being mostly ready to head out the door (all that's left to do is brush my teeth, get the older one dressed and get everyone/everything in the car). 30+ minutes to do that. How can it possibly take 30 minutes? Our day is now a balancing act between trying to maintain Soren's schedule which was pretty regular and smoothly-executed and trying to figure out or fit in Mattias' not so regular or smoothly executed needs. Being the mother of two is demanding and exhausting and requires a lot of intuition and learning to find the right balance between the two kids, between attention and neglect, between indulging and surviving.

But being the mother of two, even after just 4 weeks, brings moments of sweetness, moments of pleasure, moments of heart-swelling love. I have watched Soren's tender and hesitant touch on his baby brother's head. I took part, with great joy, as Soren played trucks, even sharing his beloved toys, with Tias as he was lying on the floor. I was even blessed to help my gentle-spirited boy give his baby brother a good night kiss for the first time last night. Oh, what joy to be the mother of 2!

There are times when I am so tired, exhausted by the seemingly relentless demands of two kids, both of whom are dependent upon me for most or all of their needs. And then I get these sweet moments watching my two little boys and I am renewed! I look forward to the day when these two little guys of mine can be buds, playing together in the backyard, imagining up worlds and games together. But even now I can cherish our times together as they get to know one another, as they learn what it is to be a brother, as Soren reaches out to his little brother Baby Tias with love and tenderness (and a little fear) in those sweet moments of love and friendship.

I am trying my best to remember each to reflect on these moments. No matter how frenzied or harried I am (and honestly, that's when it's most important) to take a minute to see the blessings of and joys in having more than one child. It is hard work. It is demanding physically, emotionally and intellectually. It is important to me to have even a few moments alone with each one at some point in the day for a quick snuggle or a story or playing with trucks. But being the mother of two is pretty special. I have a brood. I am the mother of boys -- plural. It is a new identity even to being a mother. And I am learning to embrace this new identity, to claim it each day, when it's hard and when it's sweet, because now I will always be the mother of these two.