We found out a week and a half ago that Mattias has food allergies to dairy, peanut,and egg. While it's possible that he will outgrow any or all of these allergies, I have gone through some moments of significant stress and a sense of loss as I have processed the news.
Dairy products and eggs are in a LOT of foods we eat. I am having to follow a diet free of these foods while breastfeeding Mattias, so even though he isn't eating much yet, I am reading labels and researching alternatives for myself and learning first hand what it will be like for us. I have already lost several pounds as I try to figure out what I can and can't eat and worry about my (and therefore Mattias') nutritional intake. It's stressful to come to the realization that there are times I may need to provide two meal options, send M to birthday parties with special cake or pack a meal to take to a restaurant or group gathering.
And while Mattias, if he must avoid these foods his whole life, will never know what he's missing, I certainly know how much better real cheese tastes than soy cheese. I am grieving the loss of my current obsession: a croissant slathered in Nutella. I am missing the creamy taste or whole milk in my coffee, since soy milk masks the flavor of my new favorite blend. I have lost out on these things, but I can tell myself it's only temporary.
Even more, I am coming to realize the kinds of things we (or just Mattias in some cases) will miss out on: Swedish pancakes and egg bake at the cabin, Eastlund brownies, cheesy potatoes, family pizza nights, eating at a restaurant that's supposed to make it easier, trips out for ice cream, even buttered popcorn. My heart sinks as I face this new reality of having to be careful about what we eat, asking questions if we're out, planning ahead if we go somewhere, reading labels and everything that comes with these allergies. I am sad for Mattias that he may never get to enjoy these things I love and that our family may miss out on because we cannot all do it together. Family pizza night just doesn't feel the same if one of us must eat something else.
As I have processed the change in our family, I realize that we have entered a new experience, one that is completely unfamiliar to me. I have come to accept our reality and have peace about it, because I know that despite the things we will miss out on and how our family will have to adjust, God has a purpose. God created Mattias perfectly how He wants him to be and I can trust Him to do everything for Mattias' good. And even though it is stressful and new and scary, my good and sovereign God is with us in this while new world.
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