We found out a week and a half ago that Mattias has food allergies to dairy, peanut,and egg. While it's possible that he will outgrow any or all of these allergies, I have gone through some moments of significant stress and a sense of loss as I have processed the news.
Dairy products and eggs are in a LOT of foods we eat. I am having to follow a diet free of these foods while breastfeeding Mattias, so even though he isn't eating much yet, I am reading labels and researching alternatives for myself and learning first hand what it will be like for us. I have already lost several pounds as I try to figure out what I can and can't eat and worry about my (and therefore Mattias') nutritional intake. It's stressful to come to the realization that there are times I may need to provide two meal options, send M to birthday parties with special cake or pack a meal to take to a restaurant or group gathering.
And while Mattias, if he must avoid these foods his whole life, will never know what he's missing, I certainly know how much better real cheese tastes than soy cheese. I am grieving the loss of my current obsession: a croissant slathered in Nutella. I am missing the creamy taste or whole milk in my coffee, since soy milk masks the flavor of my new favorite blend. I have lost out on these things, but I can tell myself it's only temporary.
Even more, I am coming to realize the kinds of things we (or just Mattias in some cases) will miss out on: Swedish pancakes and egg bake at the cabin, Eastlund brownies, cheesy potatoes, family pizza nights, eating at a restaurant that's supposed to make it easier, trips out for ice cream, even buttered popcorn. My heart sinks as I face this new reality of having to be careful about what we eat, asking questions if we're out, planning ahead if we go somewhere, reading labels and everything that comes with these allergies. I am sad for Mattias that he may never get to enjoy these things I love and that our family may miss out on because we cannot all do it together. Family pizza night just doesn't feel the same if one of us must eat something else.
As I have processed the change in our family, I realize that we have entered a new experience, one that is completely unfamiliar to me. I have come to accept our reality and have peace about it, because I know that despite the things we will miss out on and how our family will have to adjust, God has a purpose. God created Mattias perfectly how He wants him to be and I can trust Him to do everything for Mattias' good. And even though it is stressful and new and scary, my good and sovereign God is with us in this while new world.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Hello Old Friend, It's Been Awhile
I have intended several times to sit down and write a blog entry. I cannot believe that 4 months have gone by before I've made the time to put my thoughts, experience, joys or heartaches to the "page." So much has happened in the world at large and in the little world of my SAHM bubble.
Osama Bin Laden was killed and while I am proud of the accomplishment of our military, I grieved at the reaction of so many Christ-followers who appeared filled with glee at the eternal lostness of this man. I wrestled with my own feelings and impressions, I wrestled with the response of others, I turned to God through Scripture and prayer. I believe with caution that it is okay for me to feel relief that the evil this man committed on earth has been vindicated and relief that he can personally do no more harm, but I am also deeply grieved that this man will eternally face a suffering and horror that we cannot comprehend when there was a gracious God waiting to offer Him so much more.
Our economy is slumping lower than it has in a decade and people are suffering, yet I am feeling very little of the effects personally. When the Minnesota government shutdown, my own life was only impacted once when I couldn't take the carpool lane to the Children's Museum; I read from one of the rooms of the tentative agreement to end the shutdown. Yet I know many families suffered weeks with no paychecks and even greater sacrifices and I thank God for my own experience and seek wisdom about how to respond in these economic times.
Mattias went from rolling over to crawling and only then to sitting. He wanted so much to keep up with his big brother and all the activity in the house that he wouldn't sit still! It is so much fun to hear the pat, pat of his hands as he heads down the hallway or around the corner to find the action. His persistence is amazing to me; the last few days I have watched with a smile on my face as Soren races up and down the hallway and living room pushing a dumptruck and Mattias tries desperately to keep up, all with a happy attitude. What a trooper! And of course he learned to sit on his own and got better at crawling while I was away. They like to do that!
Soren fills me heart with joy. He is so intelligent and thoughtful. Yesterday, he was carrying around to metal rods that go to the bassinet in the pack n play. He told me he was carrying a cross. I asked if he knew who else carried a cross, not expecting much, when he said, "MMm,Hmm. Jesus." Oh, how that fills a mommy's heart with joy! I followed up wondering if he knew WHY Jesus carried the cross. "Because He wanted to." (Now, while theologically correct, Soren also wanted to be carrying a cross so I don't pretend that Soren understands the depth of this truth.) Then, today I witnessed as him, once again, giving his little brother his comforting presence if I needed to go around the corner or if Mattias seemed to need some comfort.
I have spent some of my free time reading the blogs of other moms and realized that I have some thoughts to give as well. I don't want to sermonize or lecture, but I think that some of my postings will change from reflection on my own life experiences or faith learnings to a more application approach. I think reflection should naturally lead to deeper application and I hope to push myself to apply these things I'm learning more intentionally in my own life and parenting going forward and I hope to encourage other moms (and others) to do the same.
It's nice to be back and I hope to share more in the future. There's "so much to say, and so little time to say it" but I hope to get back on the blogging bandwagon again soon. Provided Mattias stops suffering from his little teeth and I have some energy to process a day and a thought!
Osama Bin Laden was killed and while I am proud of the accomplishment of our military, I grieved at the reaction of so many Christ-followers who appeared filled with glee at the eternal lostness of this man. I wrestled with my own feelings and impressions, I wrestled with the response of others, I turned to God through Scripture and prayer. I believe with caution that it is okay for me to feel relief that the evil this man committed on earth has been vindicated and relief that he can personally do no more harm, but I am also deeply grieved that this man will eternally face a suffering and horror that we cannot comprehend when there was a gracious God waiting to offer Him so much more.
Our economy is slumping lower than it has in a decade and people are suffering, yet I am feeling very little of the effects personally. When the Minnesota government shutdown, my own life was only impacted once when I couldn't take the carpool lane to the Children's Museum; I read from one of the rooms of the tentative agreement to end the shutdown. Yet I know many families suffered weeks with no paychecks and even greater sacrifices and I thank God for my own experience and seek wisdom about how to respond in these economic times.
Mattias went from rolling over to crawling and only then to sitting. He wanted so much to keep up with his big brother and all the activity in the house that he wouldn't sit still! It is so much fun to hear the pat, pat of his hands as he heads down the hallway or around the corner to find the action. His persistence is amazing to me; the last few days I have watched with a smile on my face as Soren races up and down the hallway and living room pushing a dumptruck and Mattias tries desperately to keep up, all with a happy attitude. What a trooper! And of course he learned to sit on his own and got better at crawling while I was away. They like to do that!
Soren fills me heart with joy. He is so intelligent and thoughtful. Yesterday, he was carrying around to metal rods that go to the bassinet in the pack n play. He told me he was carrying a cross. I asked if he knew who else carried a cross, not expecting much, when he said, "MMm,Hmm. Jesus." Oh, how that fills a mommy's heart with joy! I followed up wondering if he knew WHY Jesus carried the cross. "Because He wanted to." (Now, while theologically correct, Soren also wanted to be carrying a cross so I don't pretend that Soren understands the depth of this truth.) Then, today I witnessed as him, once again, giving his little brother his comforting presence if I needed to go around the corner or if Mattias seemed to need some comfort.
I have spent some of my free time reading the blogs of other moms and realized that I have some thoughts to give as well. I don't want to sermonize or lecture, but I think that some of my postings will change from reflection on my own life experiences or faith learnings to a more application approach. I think reflection should naturally lead to deeper application and I hope to push myself to apply these things I'm learning more intentionally in my own life and parenting going forward and I hope to encourage other moms (and others) to do the same.
It's nice to be back and I hope to share more in the future. There's "so much to say, and so little time to say it" but I hope to get back on the blogging bandwagon again soon. Provided Mattias stops suffering from his little teeth and I have some energy to process a day and a thought!
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