Double Your Pleasure

This morning I sat in the grass at the park watching Soren digging in the sand. At one point, I reflected on how in just 5 short months, I won't have the indulgence of such precious one-on-one time. This thought has occurred to me frequently over the last year, even before expecting Baby 2, as I would think forward to the future and relish the quiet moments with newborn Soren, infant Soren and now toddler Soren. I won't have those same opportunities with Baby 2 or even much longer with Soren.

I used to feel guilty about my time Soren and how he's the only child in our family who will experience this precious time in such a way. But someone once pointed out to me that ALL firstborns have this experience and ALL later borns don't. And many first borns get experiences that other kids don't. And they encouraged me just to enjoy this time I do have and not to feel guilty about it. So I'm trying to do just that.

Today I enjoyed the fact that I could sit and watch Soren without worrying about an infant overheating or getting sunburned. I cherished the fact that I wasn't chasing an older Soren through the heat rather than sitting with a younger sibling near the sandbox. And I REALLY relished this privilege as I watched another mom run across the park because one of her kids decided to start running home, leaving her other kids at the park with a friend (or helping her corner the toddler).

So my little man, we are lucky right now. In our day to day, it's just you and me to focus on one another, to enjoy each other and to enjoy my full attention in this process of growing up. And for now, I plan to enjoy every moment of this while we both prepare for your coming sibling.

Watching

These days, I do a lot of watching. I watch Soren all day, everyday. But what I really mean is, I do a lot of observing. Soren likes to have me around, but is often more content to play on his own. And it's a joy to watch, I mean observe, him as he goes about his day.

It is amazing to me that he can pick up new words every day now, sometimes after hearing them only once. Or that he demonstrates curiosity in knowing what things are, wanting to call them by name. It's a thrill to watch him puff up with pride when he succeeds in doing the activity he is trying, scaling the object he is climbing (including the 6ft ladder in our kitchen when I wasn't looking), or just being funny.

And it is so fun for me to watch Soren interact with others: Daddy, Mormor, Grandma and Grandpa, Laura (or Ottie as she's now called) and David. He loves these people who love him and it's a thrill to observe him as he shrieks and giggles with glee when Daddy chases him around the house. Or Mormor plays peek-a-boo or when Grandpa walks his fingers towards Soren at the table. I love to watch as he gives these special people kisses and hugs good-bye.

And in all of this, I know that I am watching Soren grow. He is learning and changing everyday, he is SO much fun and yet despite the excitement of all of this I know that my baby is disappearing a little more each day. He is becoming more and more a little boy. That's why I just love when he points to himself and says "baby." Because I know my baby is still here for me to enjoy and observe. And I will have the privilege of watching him grow to be the boy, the adolescent, the man that God has created him to be.